I consider myself to be a social person. I suppose I'm not overly social but I don't think I'm a recluse either. I do like people, at least most of them most of the time.
My father was a brilliant man, but what I'll always remember about him is that his amazing intellect was offset by his profound sense of social awkwardness. He was fine when he was around the family or other academics. But place him in a situation where he had to apply some simple social skills and his discomfort would rush to the surface. The first time I took him to meet my future in laws he honestly asked me if he could stay in the car while I went into the house.
Thankfully, I feel as though I've gotten the best traits from both my mother and my father in some unique blend and I don't feel that kind of anxiety. There is a sense of shyness to me, although most don't see it because I control it pretty well. But any situation that involves more than one person inherently becomes "social".
That said, I dislike social networks. The unease that my father felt in simple social situations eventually got to a point where he resented being put into those kinds of situations in the first place. I feel similarly of what has popularly become "social networking". Yuck.
Don't get me wrong. I've met some wonderful people on "social networks". I've re-connected with friends and family, I've met some very nice people, and I've even met friends I made there in real life. Let's be clear, though, that when I talk about social networks what I really mean is Facebook.
I don't do other social networks. One is enough, or MORE than enough. I don't connect thru LinkedIn. I'm not on Google+. When I look to download apps to my phone they're often part of some topic or theme based social network (photos, video, etc.) and I don't download those either. I NEVER use my FB login to login to other apps. As far as I'm concerned FB already knows far too much about me. It doesn't need to know what songs I like or what restaurant I'm in.
I have lots of so-called "Friends" on FB. Most of them are people I've never met. But when they send me an email telling me that they've read my book and they've followed my website or my blog and found some kind of inspiration there I suppose we've already established some sort of a connection and I'm more than happy to make new friends. But I'm very picky these days about adding new friends there so if I can't find a common thread among interests or activities we most probably don't need that connection.
I specifically go out of my way to avoid Friending good friends on FB. It has proven problematic in the past and I just don't need that level of potential complication. Somehow, though, Un-Friending people on FB (or not accepting Friend requests) has attained some level of social acceptance/rejection far beyond what it should and I'll admit to being on both sides of that equation. And, in case you haven't noticed, there are LOTS of whack jobs out there. I'm just saying.
Some seem to think of FB as a dating site. I get those emails regularly and am sure that most people do. But when a 20 year old tells me he digs older women and that he likes my eyes I assure you that there's no sense of satisfaction or validation there. The creepiness meter is always on when I'm doing "stuff" online and it seems to me that it's simply being smart.
I've implemented a new FB feature known as "Timeline"....not because I really want to but because it seems as though it's inevitable and I really just don't care all that much. I haven't actually "published" it yet so the only person who can see it is me, and truth be told I don't know that it improves functionality or clouds things. Regardless, I wasn't involved in whatever focus groups they used to decide that this was a good idea so I'm resigned that I didn't get to vote about it. I won't complain about it because it's just not worth the energy.
I NEED my energy. Yesterday I worked from 7:30 until 5:30 straight through lunch then ran off for wrestling practice thru 8 something. By the time I got home at 9 I had a bite to eat, a glass of wine, I caught up on a few things, and that was it. Done. Time for bed. Sleep. Unfortunately, I was up at 3:30 so today will be a 5-hour energy drink day because, as I said - I NEED my energy. Today will be as full as yesterday was.
I typically have lots of energy. I like to think most if it is what I'd consider "positive" energy and I'm more than happy to lend that out. It's when my energy levels get dangerously low that I realize that I've hit a wall. That has happened a few times in recent years and I don't like it. If I do something uncharacteristically "odd" - this from a 53-year old woman who wrestles against cadets at the local Military Academy (not for fun, but to actually train for competition) - it's often an energy thing. I'm just sharing that.
Part of Timeline involves providing simple access to anything you've ever done on FB. PLUS, anything anyone else has done that involves you. That's there too. As I looked back over some of what's there I can see my low energy times because even though I'm generally pretty careful about what I post there are still obvious signs. It's like my life before transition...my wife hated it when I went on diets because it was typically accompanied by a cranky, unhappy disposition. The thing she didn't realize that the disposition (and the diet) were often triggered by the waves of times when Donna ached for recognition - demanded attention - and my energies were focused on (a) forcing her back, (b) feeling mad at the world because I had to do that, and (c) a growing sense of desperation because I started to realize I couldn't do that forever. Things are not always as they appear, and people often assign the wrong reasons to seemingly obvious symptoms.
Anyway, I 'm not sure why I've written all that except that sometimes I sit at the keyboard and the words just come. The topics write themselves. I've done it in the past and saved it to ponder until later - sometimes posting and sometimes not. But in this case I'll just post it - a stream of consciousness after a sleep deprived night.
I'll end with a song I've been listening to over and over recently. It's one of my training songs, and it just gets me going.
Some of the lyrics:
Whatsoever Ive feared has come to life
Whatsoever Ive fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded
And now Im doing time
Cause I fell on black days
Whomsoever Ive cured Ive sickened now
Whomsoever Ive cradled Ive put you down
Im a search light soul they say
But I cant see it in the night
Im only faking when I get it right
Cause I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate
* * *
.....I LOVE it .....
Now - it's time to go out and be. Social.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Retrospecting
So, another weekend is over. Last week at this time I was 14+ hours into my drive from Dallas to Charleston. I haven't forgotten that although the drive itself has already become somewhat of a blur. That's a good thing - my body's (or my mind's) long-term defense mechanism about things it really doesn't want to remember all that well.
It was actually a wonderful week. My birthday on Wednesday was extraordinarily ordinary. I left work a little early and met up with Elizabeth for a walk along the beach, a couple of drinks, a nice dinner at the restaurant we first went to on my 50th birthday, and a very pleasant early bedtime. It was low-key, low-pressure, and as I look back on it in years to come it will simply be another pleasant celebration of an anniversary that isn't all that high on my list of annual observances.
One thing I find it does do, however, is to promote some kind of life retrospective. It's not like there's some kind of formal effort to gauge where you are in life, what you've done, and what's left to do. There's no more of a sense of urgency in things yet undone today than there was 6 months ago or even a year ago. To be honest, a year ago I don't think I could have dreamed I'd be where I am right now or some of the things that have happened over the past year. And that's part of what I enjoy - letting life unfold itself and sometimes being surprised at what happens next.
As I was getting ready for bed on my birthday I was listening to the smooth jazz station on IHeartRadio and wallowing in the early days of my transition. I'd be driving home from electrolysis in the evenings with the car window down, my face all hurt and swollen, and I'd be listening to KYOT as I headed home for some much needed rest. In those days much of what I accept now as the relatively mundane day-to-day realities of my life were far beyond my ability to even imagine. Rather, the practical realities of making it from one day to the next, one follicle at a time, forced a much shorter life view.
I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be who and what I am. I'm fortunate to be living at a time when somehow stars aligned and allowed an opportunity for an otherwise resigned soul who dared to imagine what it could be like on the other side of fear. And I think it's always important to remember where you come from because those are my roots. They just are. Whether I choose to accept that they're still a part of me or to otherwise justify that it was simply a phase that I've outgrown doesn't change how important I feel it is to go back and visit my past to truly appreciate my present and to re-energize me for the possibilities in my future.
Still, at this point adding another year seems to be more appropriate for statistical analysis or body maintenance than anything. I suppose it can be used to justify what you've accepted that you're too old to do or as some kind of a limiting thing, but I choose not to perceive it like that. Rather, it's just another mile marker along the highway of life.
I went to the doctor this week for my bi-annual check-up. Blood pressure good. Lungs good. No sign of a new melanoma scare. Lab work is upcoming so I'll have a sense of how my blood is, how my kidneys are doing, and generally what habits need to change. But honestly, I'm feeling really good right now and I doubt there's any way to measure that.
I look at photos of myself from recent years and recognize that I'm still in the process of "becoming". 19th century novelist George Eliott said "It's never too late to be the person you were always meant to be" and I like that quote. Rather than life being one transition after another it seems to me that there are lots of them happening at the same time. Certainly, the concept of "transition" has a unique meaning for me and people who have walked a similar life path, but that's simply one of the more visible examples.
Life IS transition for me because to transition is to become. I've become comfortable that the me I am today and the me I am yet to become is a moving target so it's always changing. Still, birthdays are a good time to pause, to look back, and then to refocus on today, tomorrow, and beyond.
I'll share that as I blew out the candle on my piece of key lime pie for dessert I closed my eyes and made a wish. I've already learned that wishes do come true and I hope each of us can get more than one prayer answered. Anyway, time will tell how this one turns out..... :)
I finally got back to the gym this weekend. I haven't been there for almost two weeks - since leaving for Phoenix - and I've been feeling it. My overall fitness has simply become part of my life so falling out of that rhythm is a disruption. I ran 4 miles yesterday and felt good. I lifted today and am feeling a bit sore. All things considered, though, it's just nice to be back in the swing of things.
Especially given the fact that my wrestling adventure continues in Iowa in just over a month. I need to make the most of every day. And my biggest concern at the moment isn't how I'll do or the possibility of getting hurt. It's making weight. I'm more than a dozen pounds above where I need to be, so it's time to get serious without getting crazy.
I've got some cool speaking gigs coming up over the next few months. I'm giving the keynote at a conference about participation and inclusion in Athletics next month. I'm giving the keynote at a Diversity event for the FBI in Washington DC. I'm speaking at a Women's Leadership Conference in PA. The CNN event we did in December is being posted to iTunesU so that'll be available shortly. I'm glad that I've been able to break out of the mold of being type-cast as simply another transwoman with an interesting story or an LGBT "activist" and am able to keep one foot in that space but also to speak to more mainstream groups about topics that are important to me.
My 35-year high school reunion is coming up this summer. My oldest niece is getting married - I remember when she was born! And I find I feel the passage of time far more these days through milestones that happen in relation to other people or things in my life more than I do in my own body or mind. I still don't even know what it would be like to act or feel my age - whatever that means.
I brought my Toyota for service on Saturday. It's not the car I drove across country although we've done that several times together too. She just passed the 180,000 mile mark and needed a new power steering hose, and a transmission flush. That's it. She runs great. She's been good to me and I'll be good to her. And I expect that we've got many more life miles to travel together.
I couldn't help but think that this car was sort of like me right now. Many miles traveled. Still healthy. Lots of road left to cover - just needing a little TLC and routine maintenance. My "other" car - I drove her from Charleston to Phoenix last fall and then back again last week - just passed 150,000 miles so she's no spring chicken either. She needs more work than the Toyota but I expect to nurse her back to full health too.
Back to people - this week I took photos downtown, walked along the beach, got back into the gym, and generally recovered from "the road". It's good to be back. So now that I'm officially 53 years and a few days old - no break in pace. Life goes on. Fully lived. Much appreciated. And I like to think that there are still lots of interesting pages yet to be written.
It was actually a wonderful week. My birthday on Wednesday was extraordinarily ordinary. I left work a little early and met up with Elizabeth for a walk along the beach, a couple of drinks, a nice dinner at the restaurant we first went to on my 50th birthday, and a very pleasant early bedtime. It was low-key, low-pressure, and as I look back on it in years to come it will simply be another pleasant celebration of an anniversary that isn't all that high on my list of annual observances.
One thing I find it does do, however, is to promote some kind of life retrospective. It's not like there's some kind of formal effort to gauge where you are in life, what you've done, and what's left to do. There's no more of a sense of urgency in things yet undone today than there was 6 months ago or even a year ago. To be honest, a year ago I don't think I could have dreamed I'd be where I am right now or some of the things that have happened over the past year. And that's part of what I enjoy - letting life unfold itself and sometimes being surprised at what happens next.
As I was getting ready for bed on my birthday I was listening to the smooth jazz station on IHeartRadio and wallowing in the early days of my transition. I'd be driving home from electrolysis in the evenings with the car window down, my face all hurt and swollen, and I'd be listening to KYOT as I headed home for some much needed rest. In those days much of what I accept now as the relatively mundane day-to-day realities of my life were far beyond my ability to even imagine. Rather, the practical realities of making it from one day to the next, one follicle at a time, forced a much shorter life view.
I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be who and what I am. I'm fortunate to be living at a time when somehow stars aligned and allowed an opportunity for an otherwise resigned soul who dared to imagine what it could be like on the other side of fear. And I think it's always important to remember where you come from because those are my roots. They just are. Whether I choose to accept that they're still a part of me or to otherwise justify that it was simply a phase that I've outgrown doesn't change how important I feel it is to go back and visit my past to truly appreciate my present and to re-energize me for the possibilities in my future.
 |
| November 1999 |
Still, at this point adding another year seems to be more appropriate for statistical analysis or body maintenance than anything. I suppose it can be used to justify what you've accepted that you're too old to do or as some kind of a limiting thing, but I choose not to perceive it like that. Rather, it's just another mile marker along the highway of life.
 |
| May 2006 |
I went to the doctor this week for my bi-annual check-up. Blood pressure good. Lungs good. No sign of a new melanoma scare. Lab work is upcoming so I'll have a sense of how my blood is, how my kidneys are doing, and generally what habits need to change. But honestly, I'm feeling really good right now and I doubt there's any way to measure that.
 |
| September 2011 |
I look at photos of myself from recent years and recognize that I'm still in the process of "becoming". 19th century novelist George Eliott said "It's never too late to be the person you were always meant to be" and I like that quote. Rather than life being one transition after another it seems to me that there are lots of them happening at the same time. Certainly, the concept of "transition" has a unique meaning for me and people who have walked a similar life path, but that's simply one of the more visible examples.
Life IS transition for me because to transition is to become. I've become comfortable that the me I am today and the me I am yet to become is a moving target so it's always changing. Still, birthdays are a good time to pause, to look back, and then to refocus on today, tomorrow, and beyond.
I'll share that as I blew out the candle on my piece of key lime pie for dessert I closed my eyes and made a wish. I've already learned that wishes do come true and I hope each of us can get more than one prayer answered. Anyway, time will tell how this one turns out..... :)
I finally got back to the gym this weekend. I haven't been there for almost two weeks - since leaving for Phoenix - and I've been feeling it. My overall fitness has simply become part of my life so falling out of that rhythm is a disruption. I ran 4 miles yesterday and felt good. I lifted today and am feeling a bit sore. All things considered, though, it's just nice to be back in the swing of things.
Especially given the fact that my wrestling adventure continues in Iowa in just over a month. I need to make the most of every day. And my biggest concern at the moment isn't how I'll do or the possibility of getting hurt. It's making weight. I'm more than a dozen pounds above where I need to be, so it's time to get serious without getting crazy.
I've got some cool speaking gigs coming up over the next few months. I'm giving the keynote at a conference about participation and inclusion in Athletics next month. I'm giving the keynote at a Diversity event for the FBI in Washington DC. I'm speaking at a Women's Leadership Conference in PA. The CNN event we did in December is being posted to iTunesU so that'll be available shortly. I'm glad that I've been able to break out of the mold of being type-cast as simply another transwoman with an interesting story or an LGBT "activist" and am able to keep one foot in that space but also to speak to more mainstream groups about topics that are important to me.
My 35-year high school reunion is coming up this summer. My oldest niece is getting married - I remember when she was born! And I find I feel the passage of time far more these days through milestones that happen in relation to other people or things in my life more than I do in my own body or mind. I still don't even know what it would be like to act or feel my age - whatever that means.
I brought my Toyota for service on Saturday. It's not the car I drove across country although we've done that several times together too. She just passed the 180,000 mile mark and needed a new power steering hose, and a transmission flush. That's it. She runs great. She's been good to me and I'll be good to her. And I expect that we've got many more life miles to travel together.
I couldn't help but think that this car was sort of like me right now. Many miles traveled. Still healthy. Lots of road left to cover - just needing a little TLC and routine maintenance. My "other" car - I drove her from Charleston to Phoenix last fall and then back again last week - just passed 150,000 miles so she's no spring chicken either. She needs more work than the Toyota but I expect to nurse her back to full health too.
Back to people - this week I took photos downtown, walked along the beach, got back into the gym, and generally recovered from "the road". It's good to be back. So now that I'm officially 53 years and a few days old - no break in pace. Life goes on. Fully lived. Much appreciated. And I like to think that there are still lots of interesting pages yet to be written.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
There and back again.
"The Drive" is over. Phew.
The basic goals of the trip I've been on for the last several days were pretty simple. Fly to Phoenix, collect my dog, my car, and a few other things, drop the dog off in Austin with my son, and then drive home to Charleston by Monday. So, by that measure, the trip was a success.
But for everything, there is a price. The pace of the past week has been a significant amount of energy and effort, both of which seem to be catching up to me. I'm only now slowing down enough to recognize it but thankfully there is time now to recharge the batteries.
The most difficult part of the trip was the 1200 mile drive from Dallas to Charleston. I normally would have broken it up into two days, especially since it came on the heels of my 1300 mile drive from Phoenix to Austin to Dallas. But for a number of logistical reasons I decided to do it all in one day. I've done it once before and I can vaguely remember telling myself not to do that again, but sometimes we just need to do what we need to do.
I picked up Maggie, and brought her to stay with my son. I did retrieve my car (and passed the 150,000 mile mark with her along the way) and loaded my it with some things I needed to bring back with me. My son and I spent some quality time together and had a very nice dinner on Friday. I spent a precious little bit of time in Dallas with my mom - arrived at 7:30 Saturday evening. And then I set my alarm for 4am to start "The Drive".
Anyway - this too shall pass. It won't be my last road trip (God willing!) and I'll try not to push things too hard. Other than that - life goes on.
My birthday is tomorrow. The only reason I mention it is because it has become one of those annual milestones upon which other things revolve. For example, it was 3 years ago near my birthday when I was diagnosed with a malignant melanoma. So, now I have to go and get myself checked every six months. I just got back from my most recent check - no new spots to worry about. Phew.
I tend not to put too much emphasis on birthdays anymore. My big 5-0 birthday (ironically, the one where they found the melanoma) remains the best in memory but I suppose that any birthday divisible by 10 is kind of a big deal and any divisible by 25 is definitely a big deal. That birthday lived up to the hype. But this year my age is a prime number and prime numbers usually aren't major birthdays to celebrate. That is, all except the first one.
Last year I was driving from Austin TX to Harrisburg PA on my birthday. I stopped along the way and had a very pleasant dinner with a friend. A couple of years ago I was driving to the University of Virginia to speak there and had birthday dinner at a Cracker Barrel. Each is simple yet memorable in its own way.
This is also my 12th birthday since beginning transition. THAT amazes me.
Someone wrote to me on FB today and asked how to get involved in activism. Funny thing is, I didn't quite know what to say. There was a time when those efforts required a significant amount of my time and energy. Now, it doesn't. So it's tough to give advice to people asking for direction now. When I was more involved there weren't nearly as many opportunities for involvement as their are now. So, in a way, things are more difficult than they used to be...
Anyway, I'm tired so I'll keep this short. I'm still trying to get back into the groove after my trip. My doctor told me to get a good night sleep. I'll follow that advice. :)
This year I expect that things will be low key. At least, I hope so.
The basic goals of the trip I've been on for the last several days were pretty simple. Fly to Phoenix, collect my dog, my car, and a few other things, drop the dog off in Austin with my son, and then drive home to Charleston by Monday. So, by that measure, the trip was a success.
But for everything, there is a price. The pace of the past week has been a significant amount of energy and effort, both of which seem to be catching up to me. I'm only now slowing down enough to recognize it but thankfully there is time now to recharge the batteries.
The most difficult part of the trip was the 1200 mile drive from Dallas to Charleston. I normally would have broken it up into two days, especially since it came on the heels of my 1300 mile drive from Phoenix to Austin to Dallas. But for a number of logistical reasons I decided to do it all in one day. I've done it once before and I can vaguely remember telling myself not to do that again, but sometimes we just need to do what we need to do.
I picked up Maggie, and brought her to stay with my son. I did retrieve my car (and passed the 150,000 mile mark with her along the way) and loaded my it with some things I needed to bring back with me. My son and I spent some quality time together and had a very nice dinner on Friday. I spent a precious little bit of time in Dallas with my mom - arrived at 7:30 Saturday evening. And then I set my alarm for 4am to start "The Drive".
Anyway - this too shall pass. It won't be my last road trip (God willing!) and I'll try not to push things too hard. Other than that - life goes on.
My birthday is tomorrow. The only reason I mention it is because it has become one of those annual milestones upon which other things revolve. For example, it was 3 years ago near my birthday when I was diagnosed with a malignant melanoma. So, now I have to go and get myself checked every six months. I just got back from my most recent check - no new spots to worry about. Phew.
I tend not to put too much emphasis on birthdays anymore. My big 5-0 birthday (ironically, the one where they found the melanoma) remains the best in memory but I suppose that any birthday divisible by 10 is kind of a big deal and any divisible by 25 is definitely a big deal. That birthday lived up to the hype. But this year my age is a prime number and prime numbers usually aren't major birthdays to celebrate. That is, all except the first one.
Last year I was driving from Austin TX to Harrisburg PA on my birthday. I stopped along the way and had a very pleasant dinner with a friend. A couple of years ago I was driving to the University of Virginia to speak there and had birthday dinner at a Cracker Barrel. Each is simple yet memorable in its own way.
This is also my 12th birthday since beginning transition. THAT amazes me.
Someone wrote to me on FB today and asked how to get involved in activism. Funny thing is, I didn't quite know what to say. There was a time when those efforts required a significant amount of my time and energy. Now, it doesn't. So it's tough to give advice to people asking for direction now. When I was more involved there weren't nearly as many opportunities for involvement as their are now. So, in a way, things are more difficult than they used to be...
Anyway, I'm tired so I'll keep this short. I'm still trying to get back into the groove after my trip. My doctor told me to get a good night sleep. I'll follow that advice. :)
This year I expect that things will be low key. At least, I hope so.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Rooting
As I type this I'm sitting at the Toyota dealer having my car serviced. I expect it to pass 180,000 miles at some point later today or tomorrow, and there are a few relatively minor things to address. My definition of "relatively minor" is > $500, and when you've got a car with that many miles on it staying ahead of trouble as best you can is a good thing. I'm hoping to be driving that car for another 100K miles or more so we've agreed that if I treat her well she'll treat me well. :)
It was a fairly quiet weekend here in sunny but chilly Charleston. That's not a complaint so much as an observation. When I got up this morning it was 28 degrees outside, but I talked with my sister in Rochester yesterday and she had already shoveled the driveway twice after getting more than a foot of snow there. Yeesh.....
My life seems to have settled into the closest thing I've known to a "routine" in a while. Work is busy but still interestering and manageable. I have wrestling training two or three times a week. My social life is active and I've enjoyed reconnecting with a dear friend. My weekends are full and interesting. I try to get to the gym on a regular basis, but to be honest other things have kept me away for almost a week. There still seems to be more things I want to do than hours to do them in but my overall balance right now is very healthy.
I spent Saturday doing photography with a friend with whom I've never really done photography with before. We had a lot of fun, and by the end of the day I was sunburned, wind-blown, and just plain pooped.
As I look to move this blog forward I'm investigating new ways to share photos and other media stuff. I've loaded 3 pictures that I took with my iPhone yesterday into a slide show to share (see it here). I'll tweak this stuff moving forward, but at least this is a start. I'm open to thoughts/input/comments.
Whitney Houston died on Saturday. It seems to have hit lots of people fairly hard as there are all kinds of tributes and things. I hate to admit that I have no feelings at all on it. I certainly appreciated her talent, but her passing wasn't the same for me as, say, Michael Jackson or Princess Diana or John Lennon or some others whose lives ended way too soon.
It does however, remind me about how things change. I am very strongly hoping (and very optimistic) that 2012 will be the year that I finally get my "sh*t" together. That is, I'm hoping to finally put an end to the extended long-distance separation I've had will all of my stuff. Most of it is currently in Arizona, and finally getting it where I actually live is a priority for me because it won't truly be home until that happens.
The first part of that equation was making the decision about here home will be. That's not as easy as it sounds and, in fact, has been my most pressing need for a while now. Somehow I've ended up where I need to be and I'm very comfortable with where I am laying some long-term roots here. I call that "Rooting".....
The next part of the "Rooting" effort involves the various logistics, decisions, and work required to make it so. That journey starts this week with a flight to Phoenix followed by a 2,500 mile road trip back home. I've got less than a week to do it all, and part of the saving grace is that the long driver back will involve brief visits with my son (Austin) and mom (Dallas). Thankfully, the weather across the country is forecast to be relatively quiet for most of the week so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that turns out to be true.
I haven't been a road warrior for a while but it's one of those things that, once you've learned it, never really goes away. As I get older I get a little easier on myself - I really don't feel like driving 1,100 miles a day the way I have in the past - so I may break it up a little more than I would a couple of years ago. But getting in a car and just going is something I've got no problem doing as long as the car, traffic, and the weather all behave themselves.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I have an early evening flight and I've mentioned before that I don't put much value on that particular day as much more than a marketing bonanza (I saw something on the news tonight saying that the average American spends over $125 on the day). Still, I expect to meet up with a friend whose face I'd most like to see before I go.
Tonight: Dancing lesson #2 after work. Wrestling practice at 6. Get home and watch the end of the Syracuse/Louisville game. Pack. And get to bed at a reasonable hour. As I say - lots going on. :)
It was a fairly quiet weekend here in sunny but chilly Charleston. That's not a complaint so much as an observation. When I got up this morning it was 28 degrees outside, but I talked with my sister in Rochester yesterday and she had already shoveled the driveway twice after getting more than a foot of snow there. Yeesh.....
My life seems to have settled into the closest thing I've known to a "routine" in a while. Work is busy but still interestering and manageable. I have wrestling training two or three times a week. My social life is active and I've enjoyed reconnecting with a dear friend. My weekends are full and interesting. I try to get to the gym on a regular basis, but to be honest other things have kept me away for almost a week. There still seems to be more things I want to do than hours to do them in but my overall balance right now is very healthy.
I spent Saturday doing photography with a friend with whom I've never really done photography with before. We had a lot of fun, and by the end of the day I was sunburned, wind-blown, and just plain pooped.
As I look to move this blog forward I'm investigating new ways to share photos and other media stuff. I've loaded 3 pictures that I took with my iPhone yesterday into a slide show to share (see it here). I'll tweak this stuff moving forward, but at least this is a start. I'm open to thoughts/input/comments.
Whitney Houston died on Saturday. It seems to have hit lots of people fairly hard as there are all kinds of tributes and things. I hate to admit that I have no feelings at all on it. I certainly appreciated her talent, but her passing wasn't the same for me as, say, Michael Jackson or Princess Diana or John Lennon or some others whose lives ended way too soon.
It does however, remind me about how things change. I am very strongly hoping (and very optimistic) that 2012 will be the year that I finally get my "sh*t" together. That is, I'm hoping to finally put an end to the extended long-distance separation I've had will all of my stuff. Most of it is currently in Arizona, and finally getting it where I actually live is a priority for me because it won't truly be home until that happens.
The first part of that equation was making the decision about here home will be. That's not as easy as it sounds and, in fact, has been my most pressing need for a while now. Somehow I've ended up where I need to be and I'm very comfortable with where I am laying some long-term roots here. I call that "Rooting".....
The next part of the "Rooting" effort involves the various logistics, decisions, and work required to make it so. That journey starts this week with a flight to Phoenix followed by a 2,500 mile road trip back home. I've got less than a week to do it all, and part of the saving grace is that the long driver back will involve brief visits with my son (Austin) and mom (Dallas). Thankfully, the weather across the country is forecast to be relatively quiet for most of the week so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that turns out to be true.
I haven't been a road warrior for a while but it's one of those things that, once you've learned it, never really goes away. As I get older I get a little easier on myself - I really don't feel like driving 1,100 miles a day the way I have in the past - so I may break it up a little more than I would a couple of years ago. But getting in a car and just going is something I've got no problem doing as long as the car, traffic, and the weather all behave themselves.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I have an early evening flight and I've mentioned before that I don't put much value on that particular day as much more than a marketing bonanza (I saw something on the news tonight saying that the average American spends over $125 on the day). Still, I expect to meet up with a friend whose face I'd most like to see before I go.
Tonight: Dancing lesson #2 after work. Wrestling practice at 6. Get home and watch the end of the Syracuse/Louisville game. Pack. And get to bed at a reasonable hour. As I say - lots going on. :)
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Super?
So, I watched the game Sunday. I was pleased at the outcome, and even more pleased that it was a fun game for a football fan to watch. Overall I was disappointed by the commercials. Halftime? Well....it was halftime. And I loved the Corvette that they presented to Eli Manning as MVP. All things considered, though, it was a very pleasant Super Bowl "Experience" this year. I ate too much, I only had one glass of wine to drink, and I got to bed at a reasonable time. All good things.
In my continuing effort to expand my horizons I recently bought some dance lessons on Groupon. Last night was lesson #1 and it was a blast. We did some simple things - Cha-Cha and Waltz - but this particular instructor was great with me and went at exactly the right pace. My next lesson is Monday and I hope I don't forget it all by then. :-D
I've had a couple of people write about a friend who is appearing on a talk show today. I do appreciate her as a friend, so for a number of reasons I'm adopting a strategy of "if you don't have something positive to say, don't say anything." Therefore, I've got nothing to say. I do hope things go well for her because the last time she did national media I think she was surprised by the negative responses (including mine). My opinion hasn't changed, so all I can say is that I hope she's grown some thicker skin.
A Facebook friend posted something on my page that I'm willing to share here. She's in the UK and she's offering to perform at PRIDE events (read details here). I don't usually promote things here, but in this case I'm making an exception.
I had a conversation with someone the other day about being "out". She asked if I've encountered any pushback from being out here in South Carolina. My response was that although I suppose I'm out, I'm not really out.
Certainly, if someone googles me they'll learn all they need to know really quickly. But in my day-to -day world it's not an issue. It's not discussed. It's not something I think about, nor is is something that needs conversation. In the 9 months I've been here I've had "the conversation" 3 times. Once with a guy I enjoyed doing stuff with (didn't see him any more after that), once with a neighbor (she was great with it), and once with a friend from work. I've shared enough for others to find out on their own, but realistically - that's it.
So when people want to know what it's like to be "out", all I can say is that the key is getting to a point where it doesn't matter, nor do you care. I don't know what more to say about it. I live my life (which is, btw, very full). I'm treated the way I like to be treated. I get to do things I enjoy doing Period. And I've come to percieve this piece of information about myself as a pathway to intimacy, not something I owe it to explain to anyone. That is, as I choose to share more with people (either we're becoming better friends, or there are other reasons to provide additional details on my life) you can't get past a certain point without sharing that. And that's how I approach it.
Here in South Carolina, there are people ready to dislike me simply because I'm a Democrat. Or because my father was Jewish. Or because I'm a Yankee. Ironically, those things don't typically come up in generally come up in day-to-day conversation either, not because I'm hiding them or that I'm ashamed of them but simply because they're outside of the context of the relationships. And so, too, is being "out".
I don't know which of my friends might be gay. We don't talk about sexuality, either.
So back to being "out". I've said before and it's as true now as it ever was - I'm out where I feel I need to be out, and I'm not where I don't want to be. As far as I'm concerned, that's the best of both worlds.
I'm headed out to meet some friends for dinner this evening. I'm hoping to be able to watch the sun go down over the ocean. Those are some of the simple pleasures it's easy to take for granted when you live here. The good thing is, it still hasn't gotten old for me yet.
My next "dream camera" was announced this week (specs here). It's admittedly a bit pricey but if I could afford it I'd buy it, and I may start saving pennies for Christmas. The thing that's harder for me to overcome than the price is that photographers are typically divided into Canon vs. Nikon people and I've been a Canon girl since I was a teen. All my lenses are Canon. All my other "stuff" is Canon. So changing over isn't as simple as you'd think. But that won't stop me if it's something I decide to do. Some people are enamored by jewelry or clothes or shoes or purses. For me - it's cameras, and this is one bad a$$ camera.
Gotta go. Until next time....
In my continuing effort to expand my horizons I recently bought some dance lessons on Groupon. Last night was lesson #1 and it was a blast. We did some simple things - Cha-Cha and Waltz - but this particular instructor was great with me and went at exactly the right pace. My next lesson is Monday and I hope I don't forget it all by then. :-D
I've had a couple of people write about a friend who is appearing on a talk show today. I do appreciate her as a friend, so for a number of reasons I'm adopting a strategy of "if you don't have something positive to say, don't say anything." Therefore, I've got nothing to say. I do hope things go well for her because the last time she did national media I think she was surprised by the negative responses (including mine). My opinion hasn't changed, so all I can say is that I hope she's grown some thicker skin.
A Facebook friend posted something on my page that I'm willing to share here. She's in the UK and she's offering to perform at PRIDE events (read details here). I don't usually promote things here, but in this case I'm making an exception.
I had a conversation with someone the other day about being "out". She asked if I've encountered any pushback from being out here in South Carolina. My response was that although I suppose I'm out, I'm not really out.
Certainly, if someone googles me they'll learn all they need to know really quickly. But in my day-to -day world it's not an issue. It's not discussed. It's not something I think about, nor is is something that needs conversation. In the 9 months I've been here I've had "the conversation" 3 times. Once with a guy I enjoyed doing stuff with (didn't see him any more after that), once with a neighbor (she was great with it), and once with a friend from work. I've shared enough for others to find out on their own, but realistically - that's it.
So when people want to know what it's like to be "out", all I can say is that the key is getting to a point where it doesn't matter, nor do you care. I don't know what more to say about it. I live my life (which is, btw, very full). I'm treated the way I like to be treated. I get to do things I enjoy doing Period. And I've come to percieve this piece of information about myself as a pathway to intimacy, not something I owe it to explain to anyone. That is, as I choose to share more with people (either we're becoming better friends, or there are other reasons to provide additional details on my life) you can't get past a certain point without sharing that. And that's how I approach it.
Here in South Carolina, there are people ready to dislike me simply because I'm a Democrat. Or because my father was Jewish. Or because I'm a Yankee. Ironically, those things don't typically come up in generally come up in day-to-day conversation either, not because I'm hiding them or that I'm ashamed of them but simply because they're outside of the context of the relationships. And so, too, is being "out".
I don't know which of my friends might be gay. We don't talk about sexuality, either.
So back to being "out". I've said before and it's as true now as it ever was - I'm out where I feel I need to be out, and I'm not where I don't want to be. As far as I'm concerned, that's the best of both worlds.
I'm headed out to meet some friends for dinner this evening. I'm hoping to be able to watch the sun go down over the ocean. Those are some of the simple pleasures it's easy to take for granted when you live here. The good thing is, it still hasn't gotten old for me yet.
My next "dream camera" was announced this week (specs here). It's admittedly a bit pricey but if I could afford it I'd buy it, and I may start saving pennies for Christmas. The thing that's harder for me to overcome than the price is that photographers are typically divided into Canon vs. Nikon people and I've been a Canon girl since I was a teen. All my lenses are Canon. All my other "stuff" is Canon. So changing over isn't as simple as you'd think. But that won't stop me if it's something I decide to do. Some people are enamored by jewelry or clothes or shoes or purses. For me - it's cameras, and this is one bad a$$ camera.
Gotta go. Until next time....
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Contemplations
It's time for me to renew the domain and the hosting for DonnaRose.com again. And, for some reason, although they're not physically connected that has me considering the future of my blog again.
I started my blog in 2004. It was simply another web-page linked off my website and was meant to serve a few specific purposes. One was to provide ongoing updates to the website to show that it was still alive....that someone was actively updating it on a regular basis. Another was to provide additional detail into some of the advocacy efforts in which I was involved. As I got deeper and deeper into things with HRC, GLAAD and others one of the things that seemed missing (especially duiring ENDA) was the backstory.
Additionally, though, the blog has provided an outlet for me to express myself. There are times that I have needed that.
So, over the years it has morphed into a number of things depending on what has been going on in my life. Life has changed. My life has changed. Things in general have changed. Blogs have become much more common, and so too has the number of transpeople sharing their lives online. Most of my formal advocacy efforts are now being championed by others, which is as it should be. New technologies like Facebook and other social networking tools have provided additional platforms for connecting and sharing. And it is in this contect I'm left wondering - is it worth it?
I've written tens of thousands of words in my blogs over the years. I could probably turn them all into a full-length book if I wanted. Although I'm generally pretty careful about what I say or share here it's still a window into my world. If you read what I write you'll know how I think and how I talk...they're all connected.
So - back to the question at hand. What is the future of the blog? I'm not sure, other than to say it will change from what it is now. I do expect to do more video stuff, and I'd like to share more photography so this may become more focused on other mediums. There's no pressure to make any decision right away and it won't happen overnight, but change happens and now it's time for this to change, too.
A friend arrived in town yesterday and will be here for several days to attend some meetings. We spent the afternoon downtown having lunch, we got pedicures, and after we got home we watched the DVD for "The Tree of Life". It's quite the deep movie, and I'll need to watch it again to soak it in.
So - that's it for today. Short and sweet. Today = breakfast, gym, shopping, beach, getting ready for football, and SuperBowl. My heart goes out to everyone stuck in the snow storm that moved through the central part of the country recently, or stuck somewhere cold. We're expecting near record warmth near 80 degrees. Rock on. :)
I started my blog in 2004. It was simply another web-page linked off my website and was meant to serve a few specific purposes. One was to provide ongoing updates to the website to show that it was still alive....that someone was actively updating it on a regular basis. Another was to provide additional detail into some of the advocacy efforts in which I was involved. As I got deeper and deeper into things with HRC, GLAAD and others one of the things that seemed missing (especially duiring ENDA) was the backstory.
Additionally, though, the blog has provided an outlet for me to express myself. There are times that I have needed that.
So, over the years it has morphed into a number of things depending on what has been going on in my life. Life has changed. My life has changed. Things in general have changed. Blogs have become much more common, and so too has the number of transpeople sharing their lives online. Most of my formal advocacy efforts are now being championed by others, which is as it should be. New technologies like Facebook and other social networking tools have provided additional platforms for connecting and sharing. And it is in this contect I'm left wondering - is it worth it?
I've written tens of thousands of words in my blogs over the years. I could probably turn them all into a full-length book if I wanted. Although I'm generally pretty careful about what I say or share here it's still a window into my world. If you read what I write you'll know how I think and how I talk...they're all connected.
So - back to the question at hand. What is the future of the blog? I'm not sure, other than to say it will change from what it is now. I do expect to do more video stuff, and I'd like to share more photography so this may become more focused on other mediums. There's no pressure to make any decision right away and it won't happen overnight, but change happens and now it's time for this to change, too.
A friend arrived in town yesterday and will be here for several days to attend some meetings. We spent the afternoon downtown having lunch, we got pedicures, and after we got home we watched the DVD for "The Tree of Life". It's quite the deep movie, and I'll need to watch it again to soak it in.
So - that's it for today. Short and sweet. Today = breakfast, gym, shopping, beach, getting ready for football, and SuperBowl. My heart goes out to everyone stuck in the snow storm that moved through the central part of the country recently, or stuck somewhere cold. We're expecting near record warmth near 80 degrees. Rock on. :)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Malaise
Ouch.
I had a root canal Thursday. It's my second one. The first was probably almost 25 years ago and I don't remember it much. And although I'm no stranger to dentists and drills and invasive procedures in my mouth, root canals are unique. Going into it I pretty much shrugged it off as a non-event which is probably part of why the last couple of days have been so "interesting". The area is traumatized, the spots where they injected the Novocain hurt, and my overall "OK Mater" has ranged from shi**y to crappy.
I got two hours of sleep Thursday night, and I'm not sure if that's cause or effect of my general malaise. So yesterday was not a pleasant day. I was a cranky, hormonal, and generally just "blah" - good thing I felt to crummy to do too much to anyone. And although I expect things will gradually get back to normal I've got too much going on right now to let it slow me down.
The good news is that I was in bed by 9 last night, I took enough sleep "help" to knock out a horse, and it did the trick. I'm sitting at the auto mechanic's place waiting for my car to get new brakes, but things are significantly improved.
This is Super Bowl weekend. I realize some people don't really care but I am not one of those people. It's a holiday. It's the pinnacle event of a sport I've loved for as long as I can remember and has become more than a game for many, including me. It's an event. It's a happening. It's time for parties, and food, and funny commercials, and hoopla. Oh...and a football game.
I've never missed one. I remember watching Super Bowl 1, and every one since. It doesn't even matter so much who's playing although I've come to understand that I enjoy it more when my team ISN'T there. I'll be the first to agree that all the pre-game hoopla is pretty silly but as far as I'm concerned that's just filler and it's easy to tune out. And although it's nice when it's was a good game that's not really a necessity either.
I've attended four of them in person and although it's nice to be part of all the being-there energy the game is more entertaining when you watch it on TV. I probably couldn't afford to buy a ticket anymore. The face value of nose-bleed tickets is already more than I've ever paid for scalped tickets (article here). That's neither here nor there, as I'm planning on pizza, beverages, munchies, and generally just enjoying. For anyone who cares - I'd like the Giants to win.
Will there be long-term impact from the Susan G. Koman foundation flip-flopping on support for Planned Parenthood last week? (article here) I lost a considerable amount of respect for them in the way they handled things. It was a disaster and I expect it will haunt them for a long time to come. They released a statement attempting to "clarify" things but the damage had been done, but in my circles very few are accepting the explanation as anything more than damage control.
The last 6 months have been full of organizations that have been their own worst enemies. NetFlix. Bank of America decided to charge people for using their debit cards, then changed their minds. Now this. I find it astounding that an organization that fights its way to the top through shrewd planning and good business sense can suddenly slit its own wrists like that without knowing it's going to be a debacle. And then to turn around within a day or two and change their mind? It only makes it worse.
Anyway - my car is almost ready so it's time to face the rest of the day. I'm hoping to continue to feel better. The good night sleep helped immensely. Next up? Some food.
I had a root canal Thursday. It's my second one. The first was probably almost 25 years ago and I don't remember it much. And although I'm no stranger to dentists and drills and invasive procedures in my mouth, root canals are unique. Going into it I pretty much shrugged it off as a non-event which is probably part of why the last couple of days have been so "interesting". The area is traumatized, the spots where they injected the Novocain hurt, and my overall "OK Mater" has ranged from shi**y to crappy.
I got two hours of sleep Thursday night, and I'm not sure if that's cause or effect of my general malaise. So yesterday was not a pleasant day. I was a cranky, hormonal, and generally just "blah" - good thing I felt to crummy to do too much to anyone. And although I expect things will gradually get back to normal I've got too much going on right now to let it slow me down.
The good news is that I was in bed by 9 last night, I took enough sleep "help" to knock out a horse, and it did the trick. I'm sitting at the auto mechanic's place waiting for my car to get new brakes, but things are significantly improved.
This is Super Bowl weekend. I realize some people don't really care but I am not one of those people. It's a holiday. It's the pinnacle event of a sport I've loved for as long as I can remember and has become more than a game for many, including me. It's an event. It's a happening. It's time for parties, and food, and funny commercials, and hoopla. Oh...and a football game.
I've never missed one. I remember watching Super Bowl 1, and every one since. It doesn't even matter so much who's playing although I've come to understand that I enjoy it more when my team ISN'T there. I'll be the first to agree that all the pre-game hoopla is pretty silly but as far as I'm concerned that's just filler and it's easy to tune out. And although it's nice when it's was a good game that's not really a necessity either.
I've attended four of them in person and although it's nice to be part of all the being-there energy the game is more entertaining when you watch it on TV. I probably couldn't afford to buy a ticket anymore. The face value of nose-bleed tickets is already more than I've ever paid for scalped tickets (article here). That's neither here nor there, as I'm planning on pizza, beverages, munchies, and generally just enjoying. For anyone who cares - I'd like the Giants to win.
The last 6 months have been full of organizations that have been their own worst enemies. NetFlix. Bank of America decided to charge people for using their debit cards, then changed their minds. Now this. I find it astounding that an organization that fights its way to the top through shrewd planning and good business sense can suddenly slit its own wrists like that without knowing it's going to be a debacle. And then to turn around within a day or two and change their mind? It only makes it worse.
Anyway - my car is almost ready so it's time to face the rest of the day. I'm hoping to continue to feel better. The good night sleep helped immensely. Next up? Some food.
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