Dessert

Scottsdale is full of trendy bars, pretty people, nice cars, extravagant houses, and opportunities for some pretty incredible people-watching.  In photography the best time to take photos is in the muted light of shortly after sunrise or shortly before sunset.  But for people-watching in Scottsdale the best place is at a trendy bar on Friday or Saturday evenings.

A small group of friends and I met last night for happy hour ($7 martinis, half priced appetizers) at one of these upscale places and had fun just watching.  And chatting.  The waitresses all looked like models, and in all honesty the food wasn't bad either.  :-)

Next week they're having a "Little Black Dress" Party.  That looks like fun!  I have no idea where I'll be next weekend but if I'm around that'd certainly be something to consider.

One thing that's funny is that we ended up leaving long before things officially got "hopping".  I was home by 10 and in bed by 11.  I remember when I was in college we usually wouldn't even go out until 10 and my ex-wife's parents marveled that we'd begin our evening at that late hour.  This is one of those times when you realize that you've actually become your parents.  Yeesh.

Some dear friends recently noticed that I have some BluRay DVD's but no DVD player so now I have one.  One of the cool things is that you can hook it into your wireless network and access services like Pandora or Netflix.  I spent the morning today hooking it all up and I'm tickled that it all seems to work.  It's pretty cool to be able to add movies to my Netflix queue and have them streamed to my TV right away.  I'm sorry - it just is...

On another "tech" topic, the iTunes Store has a free song every week.  Some of them are stinkers, but some of them are actually pretty good.  I go there every week without fail to check the latest offerings.  One song from a few weeks ago is by Joshua Radin and is titled "Sky".  I'd like to learn how to play it on my guitar.





I have also decided to set up my drum kit.  I bought a 2nd kit while I was living in Rochester so I could take lessons while I was there - I really enjoyed that - and sold it when I left.  My original kit spent 18 months down here languishing in my storage unit and is out in the garage at the moment.  I'm itching to play on it.  The best part of my set-up is the cymbals - cymbals are very personal to a drummer.  Anyway, I have a feeling it's one of those things that's easier to take down than to put back together but we'll see.  Stay tuned on that.  :)

On the activism front, there's a meeting going on in Memphis this week that I'm watching carefully (details here).

The first meeting of the newly formed advisory board of the National Coalition of State-Level Transgender Organizations will meet July 9-11 in Memphis.

The new group, a coalition of transgender advocacy organizations, will bring together state and city-based transgender-led advocacy organizations for the purpose of networking, organizing, sharing resources, and building grassroots advocacy, according to Dr. Marisa Richmond, president of the Tennessee Transgender Political Coalition and a founding member of the new national group.

The meeting, which is being funded by the Gill Foundation, will consist of representatives from the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition, the Transgender Civil Rights Project of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, the Transgender Law Center, the Tennessee Transgender Political Coalition, the Transgender Education Network of Texas, the DC Trans Coalition, and TransOhio.

There has been talk for several years now that transgender people need to take our fate into our own hands rather than hitch our wagon to larger LGBT organizations.  Many of us who get involved in those broader organizations find it to be a frustrating, isolating, difficult experience as we're not taken seriously as a group and our issues remain unaddressed.  The brouhaha over ENDA in 2007 highlighted that clearly, and it's nice to see that state organizations aren't isolated anymore - that there is some sort of tangible connection going on.  Anyway, these kinds of formative efforts are important and I'm optimistic given some of the people who are participating in this.

Updated 10:30pm - It's 99 degrees outside as I write this.  Yesterday we set a record of our highest low temperature ever (I know, it takes a second to think about that one).  Our "low" yesterday was 91 degrees.  They had originally forecast a possibility of rain tonight or tomorrow but from the looks of things that's not going to happen, at least not for most of the Valley.  I haven't seen rain here in I-don't-know-how-long.  It has been a long time, and I don't believe most of these forecasts.

I might see some rain on Monday when I go up north of Flagstaff to hike Mt. Humphrey, but we'll see.  Either way - I rarely complain when it comes to weather here and I'm not about to start now.

Speaking of complaining....if you've never been to despair.com you need to check it out.  It's a take off on those snarmy upbeat motivational sayings and posters, except it highlights more negative (and, I daresay, more realistic) perspectives.  Here's one:

There are a bunch of them there that'll get you laughing.  Honestly - there are a dozen there that are true pearls of wisdom.  I'd make a calendar out of them if the year weren't half over already.  Maybe next year.

Lastly - I've said it a hundred times and I'm sure I'll say it a hundred more but I truly enjoy music in all it's many flavors.  Each of us "surfs" the internet for various things and one of the things that attracts me is music.  One place I go from time to time that's really neat is a site called "Live From Daryl's House".  It's Daryl Hall from Hall and Oates, and he has various people over to his place to make music, cook, hang out, and generally just chill.  The most recent episode features Rob Thomas and they sound great together.  Of particular note are the alternate versions of some of the songs (see it here).  Anyway - it's well done, and cool.

A Year Gone By

My legs hate me tonight. Well, they don't hate me as much as they did after the 12-mile hike in Oregon a couple of weeks ago but they're not happy with me again. I did a pretty intense 6 mile run yesterday followed by some squats. Then, this morning, I got up early to do a spinning class with my favorite spinning instructor. All things considered my thighs are a little stiff and tender this evening. I'll give them a day off tomorrow. Maybe.

I recently mentioned that I had a video blog entry from early last July that I never published. I decided to publish it today so I've added it both to my MobileMe gallery (see yesterday's post) as well as to YouTube.

I can't believe the it has been a year already since then. I remember July 4 with my son, driving across Oklahoma and surviving the most intense storm I've even seen. That storm is indicative of how I was feeling at the time, as well, as I had hit an emotional wall that sent me into a pretty difficult time. I ended my blog - well, I suppose a more accurate statement would be that I suspended it. I got off Facebook for a while, as well. I needed to shed things in my world that required additional energy and attention in order to focus inwards on deeper needs.

I think back to that time with thanks. In retrospect I see that it lay the foundations for things that have happened since then and that continue to happen in my life. There is a tendency to focus ourselves on something when our needs are acute but then forget all about them when the urgency of the moment passes. I have not done that. I continue to be very aware about energy, about the people and the relationships in my life and the balance of give/take, and on taking care of the deeper needs so that they don't bring me down so far so fast again.

I have also gotten much better at letting go. That's not easy, sometimes. Subsequent to this video my son quickly realized that his relocation to Phoenix probably wasn't a good idea so he got into the car with the dogs and all his stuff and drove the entire 2,400 miles back to Rochester. As much as I wanted to be able to help him I could not allow his drama become my own and as a result he did what he needed to do. It was a challenge for him, and truly a growing opportunity. So, in the end what seemed like a scary moment at the time turned out to be necessary and positive.

In the video I mention that I went to see my doctor.  That day was the only time he has ever seen me cry.  Through the rigors of my transition and the pains of separation from my son and my wife - there were never tears in front of him.  Until last year.  And I think it really concerned him.  The tears made him realize just how much I was struggling and I think it all changed a number of things in significant ways.

It's a shame that we can't look back on our today's with the eyes and the experience of a year from now. But thankfully we can still look back to see what we've accomplished - usually the hard way - and see how far we've come.

The temperature here today was 111 by mid-afternoon. I had spent the previous 3 hours in the Apple Store doing a training where it was so cold I was actually shivering. My fingers were numb - no lie - and I felt like I was in a meat locker more than in the middle of the desert in the middle of the summer. When I finally got outside the warmth felt SO good - it took me the full 20 minute drive home to thaw out. Sheesh. I'm supposed to go back tomorrow but I'll bring a sweater. And gloves.

I've talked with friends from the Northeast who have been surviving 100+ degree days and suffocating humidity. My heart goes out to you. As I type this it's 6pm and the temperature outside is 107 and the humidity is 13% putting the heat index at 103 - lower than the actual temperature itself. I think I'll go for another swim tonight - I really enjoyed the last one.

I made some minor adjustments to my blog this evening.  I wanted it wider on the page to make more use of the edges and tinkered around with some of the various behind-the-scenes code, with my fingers crossed, and I'm happy with the way it's looking.  If anyone has any problems let me know - the changes weren't all that significant but you never know what you might break when you tinker.

Video Testing

I'm playing with video tonight.

Specifically, I've uploaded a little ditty of a video to my MobileMe gallery and I'm looking for a way to embed the video into my blog, or a web page, or some other place. That usually involves some short piece of html code that you can paste into wherever you want it and the video gets embedded there.

Apparently, there is no elegant way to do it from MobileMe. That's a shame. There are other ways, though, but they involve actually linking to the video itself in the Gallery. Here's what I've got so far. (You can either click on the photo, or on the link underneath)

The Link to the Video

I'll get the hang of this. I like the concept of having a Gallery except that I have a couple of questions for Apple. And, of course, there's the embedded code thing....

Speaking of Apple, I uploaded the new version of Safari, the Apple browser, a few weeks ago and the stupid thing just crashes on me for no apparent reason. It's very frustrating. I'm seriously considering loading Google Chrome on here - this is my iMac - because I don't have time for buggy software, especially from Apple.

I also signed up for an account at LiveStream. I expect I'll have more to say on that as I get farther into it. For now, there's a channel named "Donna Rose TV". I've got all kinds of ideas about how to share things via video and need to figure out what's the best (and most cost effective!) tool.

Today is my first day alone in quite a while. I was in Oregon with a friend for almost a week, and got back last Sunday. My guests arrived a little later on Sunday and have been here for 10 days. They left this morning, and I don't mind sharing that after having people around for so long things are eerily quiet.

As for the Oregon trip - I uploaded several more photos to Facebook today. I'm sure I could create a MobileMe album of it in my Gallery but having different versions in different places becomes a hassle. I've tried to remove the security on the album so that anyone can look at it. If you'd like to see it, here's the link. Please let me know if you have any difficulty accessing it....

Tomorrow is a fairly busy day. My favorite spinning instructor is teaching a class at 9. I'm meeting a friend for coffee afterwards. And I've got some time scheduled at Apple for the afternoon. All in all - lots of stuff to take care of.

Just another day in the life.

Some of the energy that seems to have been fueling me in recent days has abated a bit today. Trying to predict energy is harder than trying to predict the weather but I think some of the same concepts applies. High pressure = good energy. Low pressure = low energy. Fronts come and go over the course of days and weeks and months - I'm sure somebody somewhere has written about this kind of stuff and I'm confident it's real.

Tonight I watched "The Blind Side". Again. The first time I saw it was in the theater the day after Thanksgiving last year. It was exactly the right movie with the right message at the right time. So, too, is it tonight. As energy goes down uplifting messages seem to have greater impact. Anyway - I enjoyed it almost as much tonight as I did the first time. :P

A heat wave bringing stifling triple digit heat to much of the east is making life uncomfortable there. We're used to it here, and the much maligned addendum "but it's a dry heat" really does prove to be a Godsend. Our temperatures are above 100 every day and stay that way until 10 or 11 at night. I can't tell you the last time it rained here but there's a chance of thunderstorms late Saturday. Supposedly. I'll believe it when I see it.

In the scheme of things, life has been pretty chill for me lately. For a while there it was major event after major event - wrestling, surgery, recovery, more wrestling, more recovery, traveling.... Now it's time to focus on more practical needs. It's a balance thing....

The big news in Arizona lately isn't the heat. It's the Immigration Law (HB1070) that's suppposed to go into effect later this month. There have been huge marches both opposing the law and supporting it in recent weeks. There is a boycott against the state (details here) because of it. Yesterday the federal government announced that it is (a) filing a lawsuit to prevent the law and (b) asking a judge to file an injunction to prevent it from going into affect (details here). It is expected to go all the way to the Supreme Court as a showdown of state rights vs. Federal power, and has become quite the contentious fight.

These kinds of entries are probably pretty boring to read but they're actually nice to write. It's just another day in the life along a path less traveled. Mundane. Uncomplicated. Like seasons it's important to make the most of the sunny days because the storms will eventually come. And make no mistake - they will.

Boats in the Water

There is a community pool just outside my back door that residents of my neighborhood can use. Tonight was the first time I've used it. I enjoy a bit of a chill to pool water - something that's refreshing more than like stepping into bath water. The water in the pool was just perfect. I really enjoy swimming and it was nice to be in water again.

One thing I did notice is that the spot of my neck that got hurt at the US Team Trials is still sore. Somehow, swimming uses that part of my neck and reminded me that it's not all better yet.

My schedule over the past couple of months - actually, for the past several months - has been pretty intense. I've had the freedom to do some wonderful things, and am at the point of figuring out what to do next. I've started looking, and the path is leading in a number of different directions.

One direction is particularly interesting. I've started applying for waitress positions. Every job I ever had before graduating from college involved the hospitality industry - a hotel or a restaurant - and I truly enjoyed it. I seriously considered making that my career and almost applied for the Cornell Hotel/Motel management program. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that management hours were insane and I envisioned a more routine family life. Anyway - I don't know if this will lead anywhere but I'm enjoying applying for the positions.

I've written before about my desire to do something that had more aspects that I find important, or interesting, or new, or fulfilling in my life these days. One of those things is a social aspect. Another is having a more feminine slant to it. The restaurants I've been to so far are fairly nice and I'll continue down this path to see where it leads.

As I say - I've also got other boats in the water but this particular drive is particularly fun at the moment...

I've got some friends visiting from out of town who noted that I've been wearing dresses more than they remember. I have. I've also started playing with my hair more - for some reason I'm in a phase where I've been scrunching it lately. The enjoyment/appreciation of being able to do these things hasn't worn off, even as I approach the 11th anniversary of what I consider to be the "official" start of my life as Donna.

Another friend noted that I'm at the perfect weight at the moment and she's right. I'm exactly where my body seems to like to be without too much difficulty. I don't feel as gaunt or as drawn as I did when I got down to wrestling weight. It's amazing how much difference less than ten pounds can make. I still go to the gym or do something aerobic 4 times a week but it hasn't been as intense as when I'm trying to crash weight. A 45 minute run on a treadmill covers almost 5 miles and that's enough to keep the heart and lungs primed.

Even with all that's going on the prime directive in my world at the moment is alive and well. Simplify. I've been approached to be on two boards in recent weeks and can find reasons to say yes to either or both. However, the time constraints, emotional effort, and general work that goes into these things makes life more complicated, not simpler. As I figure out what to do in my next incarnation I need the space to make good decisions...

Time for bed. Tomorrow is another day. I'm still energized, in good spirits, and doing well. As I said yesterday - I don't know what's causing it but I hope it lasts for a while.

Year half gone.

The 4th of July has come and gone. Last year on this day my son and I were driving across country and got stuck in the most amazing thunderstorm I've ever experienced, just west of Oklahoma City. The fireworks came from the heavens and it was quite the spectacular evening. This year was much calmer and more relaxed.

I have felt energized all day long - I don't know exactly why or how long it will last. I spent some time this morning doing my usual hike up Squaw Peak and felt like a billy goat bouncing up the trail. By the time I got done I probably could have done it again without too much problem. That's quite the rarity.

Next week a friend and I are planning to hike the highest peak in Arizona - Humphrey's Peak - where the summit is over 12,500 ft. I hope I'm as chipper then as I am now as the trail is described as "strenuous". The US Forest Service describes the hike and has a paragraph that has me hoping for clear weather:

Once you do reach the summit ridge you'll feel like you're standing on top of the world. Off in the distance, the Grand Canyon, the Painted Desert, the mesas that are home to the Hopi Indians the Verde Valley and Oak Creek Canyon form a 360deg. panorama. And after you've seen it you'll be able to say you've been as high as you can get in Arizona.

Needless to say, I'll have my camera ready.

Now that the year is half over I have been reflecting on what has happened so far this year. I've experienced a number of significant life events and expect several more before the year is through. The good news is that I'm feeling good mentally, physically, and spiritually. That's the biggest difference between last year and this year - last July was one of my lowest points in a long time. My psyche was running on fumes for a while there and I feel fortunate to have been able to bounce back as I did. I recorded a video blog at the time that I never posted - perhaps I'll put it up just for old times sake.

I'd write more but it's 1am and I need to get to sleep. Otherwise, I won't be nearly as chipper tomorrow as I was today. I'm hoping to sleep in past 8. We'll see how it goes.

Gnight!

Eyes

I met some friends for Happy Hour yesterday. As I was preparing to leave I decided to take a couple of "self-portraits" because I don't have many recent informal photos of myself. I decided to post one of the photos as my wall-photo on Facebook:

I didn't share it because it's a particularly great photo, or any aspect of it is significantly appealing to me. I shared it because it's an accurate depiction of how I'm looking these days. To be honest, it was spurred by my visit to a local support group the other night and the enjoyment I found being around sisters who are at points in their journeys that I passed/endured/survived many years ago. It's really important to me to never forget where I've come from and part of that involves appreciating where you are now.

It is unfortunate that we tend to somehow believe that how we look on the outside is who we are on the inside. That said, however, I'll admit that my body and my spirit have been pretty much at peace with one another for a while now. Our souls are trapped in a physical container so coming to a sense congruity of body and spirit is truly an important and necessary endeavor. I suppose that many people never stop to think of it that way because they've never had to question the fact that the body is so far our of alignment with their psyche.

This photo is how I look, not who I am. If you meet me in person you'll be able to recognize me because the photo is accurate. It's not glamorous. It's not airbrushed or posed or otherwise enhanced. It's simply a spur-of-the-moment snapshot taken at arm's length on my back patio. It is a reminder, however, of how far I've come over the course of these last dozen years or so.

My favorite facial feature, on myself as well as on others, is the eyes. You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their eyes. One particularly dear friend said something about a photo that I shared for Father's Day.

She told me that, looking that that picture from almost 35 years ago, that I still have kind eyes. She couldn't have said anything nicer to me. Although it probably seemed like an insignificant comment it's something I'll remember for a long time. That said - the thing I like most about the photo that I took yesterday isn't anything specific to how I've changed. It's the eyes.

As I think I've mentioned I've got some friends from out of town who are visiting for the next few days. It's nice to have some "down" time with them to relax. I've had a few memorable 4th of July holidays in recent years but tomorrow will be spent enjoying BBQ with a small group of friends and maybe a movie. I may go for a morning hike, as well. No big deal.

I have a sense that my life is about to change. I can't explain it, but it's just a feeling. I don't have anything more specific than that. Sometimes I feel like a poster-child for change so it's simply an ongoing process but this seems bigger. We'll see. Anyway - I hope it's a "good" change.

Happy and Safe 4th of July!