Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Up until about 36 hours ago the only rain I've seen since I arrived here in May has been either (a) at night or (b) part of an intense localized thunderstorm.  This last day and a half has been the first steady, consistent rain I've seen and it has been coming down in buckets.  We've had over 6 inches come down in the last day and a half, with some areas getting much  more (news story). 

That's not a complaint, mind you.  I enjoy the rain.  Last night I was sitting on the couch in my living room with the door to my back patio open and the sound of the pouring rain providing a wonderfully calming backdrop.  The entire area of downtown where I live has a whole other "feel" to it in the rain, and it's actually pretty cool.

I almost had to wade out to my car this morning...
 I wasn't so thrilled about it yesterday morning, tho.  I got out to my car to drive to work and the battery was dead.  That started a series of frustrating, almost comical, events in motion that left me questioning whether or not I should just go back to bed and try again.  The good news is that everything eventually worked itself out, although it was all much more difficult than it needed to be.

When I was transitioning one of my biggest fears was being in a stressful situation and simply breaking down in tears.  Before transition I was pretty good at deflecting much of my stress and frustration but once things got going all the emotion would build up sometimes and there's no heading off the tears.  They just come.  There were a couple of times yesterday when I felt that the morning's frustrations mixed with other life events were building to that point but thankfully the tide never overflowed the sea wall.  I closed my eyes, took deep breaths, and stayed calm. Today - all is well.

Speaking about my car: Another change for me today - I registered my car here in SC.  My unique Arizona license plates that make the car so easy to spot in a parking lot are coming off.  For good?  Who knows.

Some have asked whether this means that I'm not going back to AZ and I really don't know the answer to that.  I don't have a crystal ball.  What I do know is that I'm a resident here now - that I feel at home here and that I'm not simply a transient who's here for some number of months before going back somewhere else.  I have a job I'm enjoying.  I'm renting a home that feels good to me.  I'm making friends and connections.  The world leaves me alone here, and just let's me be.  All things considered,  my connection is more than symbolic and I am hoping it continues for the foreseeable future.

Why here?  Hard to say.  It trascends any one or two or three things.  It has nothing to do with particular people, or places, or things.  I suppose it's all part of a bigger sense of "home" that I've been missing and have finally found (for now) but I'm not quite sure how to explain the feeling other than to say it just feels good right now.  I continue to pinch myself every morning, amazed that I actually live here.  Walking through the historic downtown streets is something that people come from all over the world to experience, and I get to do it every single day.  It's still new and exciting and energizing.  I hope it never grows old, but all I can do is enjoy it while it lasts.  And I am....

At the end of the week I get to visit other cities where I've lived and that I'd consider going to:  Austin - I'll see you on Friday.  And Phoenix - you're next.


Toni said...

Hi Donna

Thank you for producing such a heart-warming and classy web site. As you are no doubt very aware the TS arena is very much in need of this, typing 'Transexual' into Google only highlights the somewhat pitiful regard the world holds transgendered people (although this is slowly changing I feel), so very very well done.

I can identify very much with your story and mine is very similar, though I'm some way behind you. Please allow me to elaborate: I'm a 41yr old male who has finally come to the realisation / admission after years of 'soul searching' that I am female and that this discrepancy can no longer continue.

However, there are a few 'challenges' in the way i.e. I'm married with 4 kids being perhaps the most blindingly obvious and one that needs handling with the utmost skill and sensitivity!

I've read part of your story (so far) and can only say that it is indeed very similar to mine and I have the greatest admiration for how you appear to have handled your journey.

I would very much love to chat with you further on line and would one day hope that I could emulate the efforts you have made in America, over here in England.

I'm part of a small focus group here in England (also in Spain too) and we talk / explore human consciousness, who am I? etc. which you alluded seems to be part of being TS, it kinda forces us to delve deeper than most? I note with great interest your writings re spiritual / philosophy etc. and wonder if you've read the likes of Eckhart Tolle, David Hawkins (in Sedona, AZ), Krishnamurti, Nisargadatta, Wayne Dyer etc? As a group we will shortly be publishing something along these lines (i.e. change yourself and the world changes, literally).

I would dearly love to be able to discuss these with you as someone who clearly has a high level of awareness and also has transitioned is indeed a rare thing. If you are not interested may I wish you all the happiness and success for the future, and keep up the good work re bringing respect to TS issues, you are making a difference!v

Warmest Regards

Toni (my main email)

Nicole said...


I've been following your blog for some time now and obviously think it's great (otherwise, I wouldn't continue to follow!) Anyway, I wanted to reach out because I am coming to Charleston, SC next week and would love any suggestions you have on places to eat, things to do, etc. I've never been before and am so excited but appreciate any guidance an "almost native" can give!

Thanks and enjoy the weekend!