Not so Black Friday

Friday 11/26

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  It was relaxing and peaceful - two words I don't often equate with a day that often involves frenzy of one kind or another.  I spent the day with a dear friend, and all things considered I can't imagine myself anywhere else right now.

The DonnaNater at the Rifle Range on Black Friday 2010

This morning throngs headed to stores to take advantage of Black Friday specials during the wee hours of darkness.  Not us.  We got up early, got some things together, and found ourselves at a rifle range by 7am.  We spent a couple of hours shooting which - I must admit - was a first for me.  I had a blast (please forgive the pun).

I've never been to a rifle range before.  Heck, I've never spent much time around guns at all partly simply because I never had anyone to teach me or take me.  I took to it like a fish in water.  We had a number of firearms to shoot with and I'll admit to the thrill of aiming at something 50 yards away, pulling the trigger, and watching it jump when you hit it.

I can't imagine hunting, though.  I couldn't before and that's even more true now.  But to go to a range and to practice for a couple of hours this was fun.  I'll even admit that cleaning the guns afterwards was fun.  All in all, a morning I won't forget.

I've done a number of "new" things on Thanksgiving over the years but this one was unique in many ways.


Saturday 11/27

I'm relaxing on the last night of my Thanksgiving trip.  Tomorrow I'm hoping to make it to the beach for a bit before beginning the daunting drive north.  The last time I did it it took 10 hours.  I expect it'll take a couple of more hours tomorrow thanks to Holiday traffic.  I hope not, but I'm expecting it....

I've had a wonderfully relaxing time here.  After the craziness of the last several weeks it was much needed and much appreciated.  These kinds of things revitalize the psyche and the soul and although I'm already feeling pangs of sadness over leaving I'm also looking forward to all the things that are on my plate at the moment.  Lots of challenge.  Lots of opportunity.

I had someone write to me recently and ask me when I was finding any "Donna Time".  This is my Donna Time.  It's the Yin to my Yang.  When I'm doing what I do I'm on and I'm focused and I'm tireless.  But when I let myself relax, which believe it or not I do from time to time, I do it fully.  I'm fortunate to have a few people in my life who provide the spiritual nourishment I need.  Thankfully, I'm visiting one of them now.

So tomorrow I'll be driving.  I'm hoping that everyone who happens to stop by here had an enjoyable Thanksgiving.

Oh - one more thing.  My oldest niece, Rachel, got engaged last night.  I really like her boyfriend...well, her fiancee, Andy.  Both of them are truly blessed to have each other in their lives.  Congratulations to both of them.  And welcome to the family Andy.  :)

Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  Each year it's the most significant Holiday in my calendar.  Why?  Because there truly is so much to be thankful for and life sometimes goes so quickly that it's important to set aside some time each year to reflect, to re-prioritize, to give thanks, to appreciate, and to tell others that your life is better because they're part of it.  In a perfect world every day would be Thanksgiving, or perhaps there would be no need to set apart a day for it because it would organically happen by itself all year long.

Where am I this year?  Where am I spending Thanksgiving?  Without going into specifics - I'm in South Carolina.  I've got a turkey in the fridge ready to cook tomorrow, I've got some special people in my life sleeping upstairs as I type this, and all I can say as I get ready for bed is that it's nice to be here as it feels very much like home in many ways.  And (in my best Forrest Gump accent) "That's all I have to say about that...."

I suppose part of the reason I feel the way I do about Thanksgiving has to do with some emotional attachment to memories of this day forged over the years.  I don't have a similar attachment with any other day - not Christmas, not my birthday, not New Year's.  Over most of the years that I was married Thanksgiving happened at our house, I cooked, and the next day was reserved for putting up our Holiday stuff.  My first day at work as Donna was in early October so the first real time I spend with my family after that was Thanksgiving.  I remember crying as I packed to go back home afterwards - I didn't want it ever to end.

But the fact it, it does end.  Endings are part of life, as are beginnings.

I'll enjoy a couple of days of chill time before heading north again.  I just wanted to take a minute here to give thanks to friends and family, to possibility, and to Life.  During the storms that occasionally blow into life those are the things that will keep us moored.

Going with the Flowing

I was thinking tonight that my life has been pretty interesting in recent years.  Lord knows I never planned it like this.  All I ever wanted was just to be me and to be left alone.  It's amazing what a pesky little social consciousness can do.  Anyway, I probably have enough interesting experiences and knowledge to write another book.  I suppose the only thing missing is time.

CNN did a segment on Joy Behar tonight titled "Transgender in America".  Personally I'm not a Joy Behar fan but that's just me.  It felt a little like a Trans 101 thing but whatever - this is what came out.



The first thing that stands out for me is the obvious diversity of the group of people talking.  I recently did a panel and everyone on the panel was white FTM.  The mix of perspectives here is nice to see.

There was an incident in Houston last week that didn't get much visibility but that has me very cranky.  A trans-woman was arrested for using the women's bathroom in the Houston Library.



The fool who says that as long as this woman has a "male organ" she should use the male bathroom needs a serious lesson in safety, dignity, and law.  If something like this happens anywhere around Harrisburg I'll be all over it like you wouldn't believe - it's just not right.  According to the report the case may move to higher courts as well it should.  As I say - it's just not right.

My days these days flow.  That is, they're one thing after another after another.  I had an evening discussion to do at a local university last night but made sure to take an hour of "me" time.  Where did I spend it?  On a treadmill.  And it was wonderful.  It's constantly amazing to me how my psyche and my physical self are connected.  Anyway, the opportunity to run for an hour, do some sit-ups, and work these legs did me a world of good.

The article I mentioned that would be coming out in the local paper was on the front page yesterday (read it here).  I'll admit that I didn't read the entire thing but what I did read was well done.  Thanks so much to the reporter and the editors.  The thing I'm happiest about is the needed visibility it provides for the Center.

I got a bunch of email from it, as you might imagine, and it was overwhelmingly supportive.  I don't read the comments on things like this because it can make you crazy and from what I've heard there have been some doozies which is certainly fine.  If someone wants to come and say that kind of ignorant crap to my face they know where I work.  Come on down.  It may surprise people that based on current counts the number of comments on the story is more than any other story in the last two days - twice as much as on a story on PA Legislators getting a pay raise.

I spoke on a panel at a local University last night.  It was fun.  Thanks to everyone who arranged it and attended.  These kinds of things make for long days but that's not a complaint.  I'm pacing myself so all is well.

As for Thanksgiving, I'm traveling.  I've got 600+ miles to drive in hopes of getting from here to there by mid-day tomorrow.  If I leave at 4am perhaps I can make some headway before too many people get on the road.  As I say - I'm pacing myself.  It's the only way I know how to do it all....

BTW - I realize that the Holiday Season is here and that times are tight for many but we'll be doing a phone-a-thon to raise year end funds here at the Center.  If you can spare a hundred bucks send me an email and I'll give you a call to get your information.  Know that it's going to a wonderful cause and I will be much appreciative.  :)

Off My Last Board

I'm pooped. As I type this I'm propped up in bed waiting to sink into sleep.

Me and Jenny Boylan meeting up for brunch today...

The last three days have seen trips to DC and back again and Philadelphia and back.  I attended the NGLCC dinner in DC on Friday night, I got 2 new tires on my car yesterday, I spoke at the TDOR event here in Harrisburg at dusk yesterday, I had brunch and a very pleasant afternoon today with the always fab and wonderful Jenny Boylan, and I attended a very pleasant Meet and Greet event this evening.  Bedtimes over the past two evenings was 2am both nights.  Thank God for coffee.

Some things to note:

The NGLCC National Dinner 2010

After 2 2-year terms on the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce board I am stepping away.  Although I have enjoyed watching the organization grow from next to nothing to being on the brink of some wonderful things it's time to focus on other endeavors.  As a result, at the moment I'm not on a single board of directors for the first time since 2005.  In some ways I feel like I've done a tour of combat duty and have finally been called back home.

The dinner on Friday night was another wonderful chance to meet up with friends I only see once or twice a year.  The Building Museum is a classy, elegant, very nice place to hold these kinds of things.  I hope they don't outgrow it because I think they'd lose something important if it were held somewhere else.  In any event - I had a nice time.  The City Council member from Ft. Worth TX who started the "It Gets Better" stuff was there with his daughters.  So was the gay student body president from the University of Michigan who was targeted and harassed by an Asst. Atty General there who eventually got fired for it.  So was Martina Navratilova.  So was dear Amanda Simpson.  All in all, a stellar evening.

Gathering for TDOR on the steps of the State Capitol Bldg

We estimated that there were 80 people or so at the local TDOR event on the steps of the state Capitol Building yesterday at sundown.  I'm told that's twice the number who attended last year.  Thanks to everyone who braved the chilly temps to participate.  The sunset was spectacular, and the full moon was equally amazing.  A special thanks to Jeanine and the gang at TransCentralPA for all their work to put together an awesome event. 

Lastly for now, I probably won't have to come out to many people here in Harrisburg.  At the dinner this evening I was told that an interview I recently did with a reporter for the local paper will be featured on the front page tomorrow.  I hope it came out well and provides the needed visibility for the Center.

This will be another busy week.  I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving.  Lots of things to do before then.  First things first, though.  Time for bed.

T-Day Minus Six

Thanksgiving is less than a week from today.  How the heck did it creep up so fast??

Living in the desert you get used to having it NOT feel like Thanksgiving.  For those of us who grew up in climates where Thanksgiving often involved cold and snow I don't know if you ever get used to it being just another sunny 82 degree day.  But now I'm living back in the northeast and it still doesn't feel like itself.  Hmmmm.  I wonder why.

For those following the saga of my car - I picked it up yesterday.  New timing belt + New tire +  New O2 sensor + A few other minor things = Big OUCH!  It still needs some things in the front end suspension which all add up to another OUCH but I'll wait a couple of weeks before dealing with that.  The good news is that when I picked her up she drives like a kitten again.

My life has been a whirlwind lately.  I realize that my life is often very whrilwindy but this is a different flavor or it.  My days are full from early to late and then it starts over again.

Here's a synopsis of my last couple of days:

Wednesday I worked all day, then I had to drive the 100 miles from here to Newark DE to speak at the University of Delaware.  After I finished we went out to dinner and they had gotten me a hotel room to get some sleep.  But I knew I had an 8am meeting back here in Harrisburg so I drove the 100 miles at midnight to get back home.  I was finally in bed and asleep by 2.

Yesterday: The alarm went off at 6 so I could be at work by 7 to prepare for an 8am meeting.  In mid-morning I had a state Human Rights Commission meeting related meeting on bias related incidents.  That went thru lunch, then I had to be back at the office to finish up a couple of things.  Someone came to pick me up at 4 to drive me the hour it takes to get to Carlisle PA to meet with the LGBTQA Faculty group at Dickenson College there.  I was back at my car by 7:30, and made it home by 8:30.

Today I work for half a day, then I drive the couple of hours from here to DC to attend the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce Dinner there tonight.  I'll spend the night there.

Tomorrow I drive back home, I'll participate in the Day of Remembrance event on the State Capitol steps and then I'll drive to Philadelphia to meet up with a group there.  I expect it will be a late night.

Sunday I have to drive back to Harrisburg.  There's a Meet and Greet event here on Sunday afternoon.

Monday it starts again....

People ask me if I'm enjoying the new job and I'll admit that I am.  But things go so quickly there's always something going on.  And the combination of having a job that involves food and drink with a lack of opportunity to get to the gym on any regular basis is making me feel like a blob.  I hope things settle out but it's not likely anytime soon.

In the bigger world, things are happening as well.  I was gratified, but not surprised, to see that the LPGA is in the process of removing the clause from their rules that prevent trans-women from competing (details here).  The comments are pretty ignorant, as you'd expect, but such it the world in which we live.

I was on a conference call with Dept. of Health and Human Services Director Kathleen Sebelius a couple of days ago to discuss a new directive on hospital visitation for same-sex partners (see story about it here).  One of the questions during the Q&A was about what are the consequences of hospitals that do not comply, or what are the teeth to make sure this happens.  I'm dubious that most hospitals even know about this, much less that they have the power to push this kind of stuff down to their staff.  When a trauma happens things happen quickly so I'd be interested to see how his all plays out.  Don't get me wrong - it's a step in the right direction and I very much appreciate the attention and energy that is being given to issues that affect LGBT lives.  I'm just concerned that the way it plays out in the chaos of real life isn't the same as the way it does in the controlled world of planning.

Gotta go.  Lots to do.  It's going to be a busy weekend.

Oh...and did I mention next week is Thanksgiving?  I've got plans, and I"m looking forward to enjoying some relaxing time.  And - LOTS of food.  :)

Weekend in Donnaland

It was another wild and crazy weekend in Donnaland.

Last Friday night was my last night in hotel in I don't-know-how-long.  Between driving across country and being here there past two weeks I've been living an existence that feels more like dorm living than anything.  It hasn't been all terrible since I'm actually not around all that much but I've talked in the past about the deeper comforts of being surrounded by your "stuff" and having a place that feels like home.  The place that feels most like home to me at the moment is a long way away, but finding somewhere here locally to land has been the next significant logistical hurdle in settling down here.

I moved what little bit of stuff I have into my new place yesterday.  I'm on the bottom part of a house so I've got a large walk-in closet, a small bathroom, a queen size bed, a fireplace, a dining room area - it's pretty much everything I could want given the circumstances.  It's 3 miles from work which is a piece of cake....

In between Friday and yesterday I had quite the social weekend.  I drove up to Rochester to attend a wedding and spent some time with my family while I was there.  Plus, I got a pedicure - my toes NEEDED some loving.

I sometimes share things that show up in my in-box.  Here's an email I got yesterday in response to the article in MetroWeekly last week:

Concerning the interview with David/Donna Rose in the November 11, 2010 Metro Weekly:

Transgenderism is a psychological disorder springing from faulty early-life bonding and identification with the same-sex parent, and compensatory cross-sex bonding and identification.

Autobiographical works by James/Jan Morris and Chastity/Chaz Bono confirm this.  Clinical writings by Richard Fitzgibbons, M.D. and others do as well:  "Gender Identity Disorder in Children" and "The Desire for a Sex Change" at www.narth.com.

Gender development is a function of both nature and nurture.  In homosexuals and transgenders, the problem is one of NURTURE.

My response:

I appreciate your opinion but almost all current research contradicts outdated Freudian notions regarding gender identity development.

I'd go a step further to point out that many of the words that you use - "psychological disorder", "problem", "faulty" - are also part of outdated approaches that attempts to pathologize difference. In reponse I'd argue that I'm probably as intelligent, psychologically well-adjusted, mentally healthy, spiritually comfortable, and generally peaceful as you are - if not moreso. Whether you want to believe that or not is another matter.

Regardless of how you and I may disagree about the "cause" we are reaching a point where people who may not fit traditional gender norms no longer ask for tolerance, but demand acceptance. We are no longer ashamed or guilty about who or what we are. Nor will we allow ourselves to be defined by one single aspect of ourselves. We are far more complicated than that.

My right to be me is no threat to your right to be you and if we can agree on that then all is well. It's when people (I mean people in general, not specifically you) step across that boundary by thinking that self-righteous, judgemental bigotry cloaked as anything else somehow empowers them to be ignorant is when people like me say "enough is enough". I'll stand up to that challenge ten times out of ten.

Thank you again for your opinion. And, best of luck to you.

Yeesh.

My Buffalo Bills won this weekend!  Yay.  Miracles do happen.

The weather here continues to be autumn-magical.  According to forecasters it's about to end.  I've really enjoyed it, though.  The drive from here to Rochester up Rt. 15 into New York State was absolutely stunning.  I wish I had my big camera with me but I really didn't have the time to stop and appreciate it.

There was a Meet 'n Greet event for me in Lancaster, PA yesterday.  Even the Mayor and his wife were there - it was nice to meet everyone.  I once mentioned that I wished my career had a more "social" component to it.  I'm happy to say that this role provides that and more.  That's not to say there aren't some difficult things to do but it really provides an opportunity to mix many of the things I find both interesting and fun.  Here's are a couple of pics from the mixer yesterday:

It was way cool.  Thanks to everyone who helped to plan it, and took time out of their weekend to be there.

My car is still getting some loving (expensive loving).  I expect to have it back tomorrow.....

I'll be speaking at the University of Delaware on Wednesday so if you want specifics feel free to write and I'll send them along.

Also, people write to me from time to time and want me to call or otherwise chat.  I wish I had time to do all of the things I'd like to but I rarely do.  Still - when people are local and want to meet I do my best to make that happen.

Other people contact me looking for ways to help.  I have all kinds of ideas and I'm happy to provide input.  Lord knows I do what I can and being on the front lines can be "interesting" but it's a role I've become comfortable with.

What I'm leading up to is that one of my main roles here is as a fund raiser so if you could help the organization out as a donor (a) I'd be personally thankful and (b) I'm happy to contact you to thank you in person.  Keep that in mind moving forward.  My goal is to make this organization something exciting.  I didn't come here to do nothing and although I rarely ask for much this is more something to keep in the back of your mind than an ask.  :)

And, to keep things fun - for those who are generous enough just know that there may be kisses involved.

(After all - Hershey is 15 miles away!)

AutoPains

My poor car....

It has served me well.  In the last couple of weeks I've driven almost 4,000 miles in it.  It's got over 120,000 miles under it's tires.  It's finally paid off.  But it's not new anymore, and it needs some stuff.

It's had a few symptoms lately that have been a cause of some concern so I brought it to the mechanic today.  Diagnosis: It needs an O2 sensor.  Since it's got over 100K miles it needs a new timing belt.  Tires?  Yep.  And recently the front end has started acting funny so it needs a bunch of stuff up there too.  Ouch.

When a car gets to a certain point you start to question if it's turning itself into a money pit or if this investment in it will keep it healthy for a while.  I'm hoping for the second scenario as it has behaved wonderfully for me and I feel compelled to try to bring it back to health.  But it's a BIG investment, and given that I'm in the process of moving and other expensive changes I can only do so much at a time.

I'm headed to Rochester for a quick wedding trip.  My ex-neighbor's daughter, who used to babysit for my son when he was young, is getting married.  This is the first wedding I've been to since I transitioned as an invited guest.  I've been to a couple as the plus one for someone who was invited but this is my first event as the invitee.  I'm looking forward to it.

The big news of the week is that I found a place to live.  It's a huge weight off my shoulders and I'm really looking forward to being there.  The trip to Rochester will be a fast one as I've got a Meet and Greet event on Sunday afternoon...