Monday, June 13, 2011

Being Human = Being Fragile

I don't handle being fragile very well.  I suppose it's left over from years of being taught that independence and strength are core components of character.  And I've done a number of things over the years to "learn" to let go of some of that but certainly some of it is still part of me starting with recognition of it.

I'm generally a healthy person.  I've had a couple of scares in recent years (melanoma in 2009, some kidney concerns earlier this year, and various wrestling injuries) but overall I'm physically active, I'm aware of my body, and I very much believe in routine maintenance to keep things working well. 

Truth be told, I'm finally very much at "peace" with my body - something I never expected to happen and.  For many years it served a purpose beyond actually living in it.  I'd go so far as to argue that I never actually really lived in it until the last dozen or so years - that I was simplty inhabiting it.  But that's a much deeper discussion than I want to get into here.

I watched my father wither away and die.  Diabetes ate him up.  And as I saw what was happening I made a commitment to myself to avoid a similar fate at all costs.  That, and an overall drive to "train" this body to finally be what I needed it to be, has been a very strong motivator for me over the years.  And although I do some admittedly counter-productive things (ie wrestling) I generally find a good sense of physical/mental/spiritual balance from day to day to day. 

I don't expect this particular adbominal discomfort "incident" to be anything major but at some point it pays to be (a) cautious (b) vigilant and (c) wise.  It's sometimes hard to accept that the passage of time involves a gradual increase in fragility and a gradual decrease in expectations but if we don't - that's something we may end up learning the hard way.  But when you have no health insurance (as I don't) these things can become unwelcome expenses if left unattended, or at least unrecognized.

Speaking of fragile and body, one of the most well-known names in Women's Wrestling has graduated to MMA.  The 30-year-old McMann (1-0) was the first American woman to win an Olympic silver medal in wrestling (in the 2004 Olypmics).  That's way past my own boundary of respect for my body....

Anyway - I'm off to the doctor's.  Wish me luck....


Sophie Lynne said...

All humans are fragile at some point. All of us need help occassionally.

The Wise know when to do so.

The truly Good are there to help.

Think of all those you've helped, and take comfort in that.

And know how many stand willing to help you in return.

Melissa said...

Good luck sweetie! I hope it turns out to be nothing.

Melissa XX