That's not a complaint, mind you. I enjoy the rain. Last night I was sitting on the couch in my living room with the door to my back patio open and the sound of the pouring rain providing a wonderfully calming backdrop. The entire area of downtown where I live has a whole other "feel" to it in the rain, and it's actually pretty cool.
|I almost had to wade out to my car this morning...|
When I was transitioning one of my biggest fears was being in a stressful situation and simply breaking down in tears. Before transition I was pretty good at deflecting much of my stress and frustration but once things got going all the emotion would build up sometimes and there's no heading off the tears. They just come. There were a couple of times yesterday when I felt that the morning's frustrations mixed with other life events were building to that point but thankfully the tide never overflowed the sea wall. I closed my eyes, took deep breaths, and stayed calm. Today - all is well.
Speaking about my car: Another change for me today - I registered my car here in SC. My unique Arizona license plates that make the car so easy to spot in a parking lot are coming off. For good? Who knows.
Some have asked whether this means that I'm not going back to AZ and I really don't know the answer to that. I don't have a crystal ball. What I do know is that I'm a resident here now - that I feel at home here and that I'm not simply a transient who's here for some number of months before going back somewhere else. I have a job I'm enjoying. I'm renting a home that feels good to me. I'm making friends and connections. The world leaves me alone here, and just let's me be. All things considered, my connection is more than symbolic and I am hoping it continues for the foreseeable future.
Why here? Hard to say. It trascends any one or two or three things. It has nothing to do with particular people, or places, or things. I suppose it's all part of a bigger sense of "home" that I've been missing and have finally found (for now) but I'm not quite sure how to explain the feeling other than to say it just feels good right now. I continue to pinch myself every morning, amazed that I actually live here. Walking through the historic downtown streets is something that people come from all over the world to experience, and I get to do it every single day. It's still new and exciting and energizing. I hope it never grows old, but all I can do is enjoy it while it lasts. And I am....
At the end of the week I get to visit other cities where I've lived and that I'd consider going to: Austin - I'll see you on Friday. And Phoenix - you're next.