Sunday, July 22, 2012

Order out of Chaos

I did my usual Sunday bike route from downtown to Sullivan's Island and back this morning.  The thing I'll remember most about this particular trip isn't that I haven't done it in a while so it was especially rewarding (although that's true).  It's not how nice the weather was (it's usually like that).  The thing that will stand out is that I fell down - attached to my bike - not once but twice.

The first time was no big deal.  It was on sand.  The problem is that one of my bike shoes seems to be difficult to get out of the clip and I couldn't get it out in time.  It didn't hurt, and it wasn't a big deal.

The second one, though.  Ouch.  It was on my street.  Same problem...couldn't get my darn foot out of the clip so there was nothing to put down onto the ground.  This time I fell in the street, on the concrete.  It didn't hurt as much as it probably should have, but most of the impact came on my hand and wrist as I put it out to break the fall.  I put ice on it when I got into the house - think there will be a bruise there tomorrow.

It's actually kind of embarrassing to admit it here, since I doubt anyone actually saw either mishap.  Last week I was climbing to the top of the world in the I'm falling off bikes.  Technically, I didn't fall OFF fell over with me attached to it which didn't make it any better.  Oy.  I suppose there's some kind of life story to make of this but all I can say is it's just one of those things.  I'm just glad I didn't break anything.

Sitting on Sentinel Pass

My life is about to change.  Again.  Or still...I can't tell which.  My lease here runs out soon so I'm in the process of packing.  Again.  Or still.....

As I've explained in the past I do IT contract work which is, by nature, time constrained.  My previous contract ended (providing me with the time to do the things I've done over the last few weeks).  But now it's time to buckle down to arrange what comes next.  I'm already deep into that, as well.  The hard part is the not knowing.

I'm feeling that there are more unknowns than knowns right now when it comes to the big things, which can be unnerving.  I'm generally ok with it, but I suppose there's a natural tendency to bring some sort of order out of chaos.  Whether the order is there or not is secondary - it's all in the head.  So, I'm wondering which of the things that are currently simmering will pop first and what changes that will bring.  

The thing I'm trying to find, or make, or envision, is settling down.  I want a home.  I don't want to move anymore.  More than anything....that's the thing that bothers me.  I suppose having the flexibility to go wherever the opportunities are is a good thing in my business but I'm just tired.  I've made some decisions, and I hope they stick.  It'd be nice if there was a special someone in that home, but the more important ingredient of the two is the home.  At least, right now it is.  But that's not to say I don't think about the latter as well, but that's a whole other topic.

Other news...

I got a large box in the mail yesterday.  It was the trophy for a beach wrestling tournament I won last year.  They made a mistake on the weight classes so they told us they'd fix them and mail them out.  Well here it is a year later, and the largest plaque I've ever won - is here.  That's pretty cool.

My 35 year high school reunion is coming up in 3 weeks.  I'll be there.  I expect that'll be pretty cool, too.

And, my oldest niece is getting married the next weekend.  It's the first family wedding since my brother got married 20 something years ago.  Yeesh.  Anyway, I'm not sure if that'll be cool or not.  It'll at least be interesting.  And I'm already looking forward to going "home" for a few days.

In bigger news, the long road of updating the DSM is finally coming to pass.  It's been ongoing for a long time (link here).  I've long been an advocate of removing the current pathologies from the books - that they do more harm than good and, in fact, that they don't accurately reflect "reality".  I'd argue that more people try to bend reality around whatever labels they can find then can separate reality from having to define it, or explain it, or categorize it as something good or bad.  

If my unique "circumstance" was ever a problem - it was in the months before I finally addressed it.  Problem?  Yes.  Pathology - no.  Illness?  No way.  In-born?  You bet.  But the biggest problem it causes today is people messing in various aspects of my life because the label is still so friggin' problematic.  Jobs, relationships, just general life "stuff".  The only way that gets better , both for me and or for future generations, is for the perception to change, NOT to get better at hiding.  Changing the DSM is important in that change.

I see that Chick-Fil-A came out big against same-sex marriage.  That's no surprise.  I don't go there anyway.  I was glad to see the Muppets end their relationship with them (story here) and I suspect there will be other significant commercial impacts.  

And I see that the Boy Scouts re-affirmed their anti-Gay stance (story here).  That's disappointing, but not all that surprising either.  Within 6 months the Girl Scouts publicly acknowledge an accepting policy on trans kids (statement here), and the Boy Scouts comes out with this?  As far as I'm concerned it's another indication of the outdated, misguided nature of masculinity that continues to ooze throughout this culture.  What a mess.

Order out of Chaos.  That's what I'm trying to make right now.  But as I think about it, I've been trying to do it for a long, long time.  And somehow, some way, whatever order I can find or make seems to be enough.  I've got faith that it will this time, too.

1 comment:

Sophie Lynne said...

have you thought about starting your own business?