Tuesday, April 30, 2013

More Unfolding

It's rare that I post twice in the same day.  Sometimes I'm lucky if I post twice in the same week.

Usually it means something is going on.  Writing is an outlet, and whether or not I actually write about what's on my mind or what's happening it still helps to "get it out".  I suppose I could write someplace private, as in my own journal, but as I've said a number of times this blog has become that for me.  As far as I know, I can write whatever I want here, push the "Publish" button, and nobody will read it but I've got the benefit of the catharsis that writing provides.  Of course, I realize that the reality is otherwise but it's like a tree falling in the woods with nobody there to hear it.  To put it here is to share it.

It's easy to become paralyzed by uncertainty.  When all options seems to be inter-related and all of them are waiting for something to happen in hopes it will clarify the path it can be easy to delay decisions, or actions.  Making a decision involves putting a stake in the sand, and forcing other things to happen.  That can be scary, as it involves uncertainty (in reality, there's always uncertainty....we just choose to find ways to minimize it so it feels comfortable).

I don't do inaction well, probably to a fault.  I'm not afraid to make decisions, and then to live with the consequences.  I suppose I could continue to wait, and hope that something will somehow magically shed a light on the "right" path.  But I've learned the hard way that sometimes all roads are the right road, or the wrong road, so the key is to trust your gut and accept the path you've chosen.  Thankfully, I think I've chosen more right paths than not....or at least I've come to peace with the decisions I've made.

So - that said, today I made a decision that will significantly impact things that happen next.  I signed a lease, here locally, to rent a house.  When I say "locally" I use the term loosely as home will be in the same county but for the first time in recent memory I have a place where I can move all my "stuff".  That's a small part of what this means, as the uncertainty of contract location and other practical considerations are still very real.

And, when I say "house" I mean a whole 2-bedroom/2-bath 1,400+ square foot house with a large screened in front porch.  It's not a furnished apartment, as this is.  It's not sharing someone else's space as I've done for the better part of these past half dozen years.  It's MY space....and it's so private I can move my drum kit there and play without a neighbor complaining.  It's so "out there" that they don't get cable so there's a satellite dish to watch tv.  My dogs can live there and have a huge yard bordered on 3 sides by over a quarter million acres of National Forest, and nearby ocean.  I need to buy a lawn mower because there's actually a bunch of lawn that needs attention.

My new space is the polar opposite of living here downtown.  And as much as I love it here downtown I'm stretching out knowing I can always come and visit just like anyone else (although the irony is that most Low Country locals avoid downtown like the plague - too many tourists here).  But the days of walking around the corner to a restaurant, or to shop, are coming to an end.  I'll need to drive a bit to get here.

There is risk.  I could hate it, as it's a totally new thing.  It could get kinda lonely.  The ongoing conundrum of career/life balance is a concerns as most of my current work discussions are centered around cities that aren't Charleston.  Some aren't even in the same time zone.  Rationally or not, I'll admit at least a mild concern that there might be biting snakes out there (South Carolina has its fair share - read here).  And this area is close enough to the ocean that it was almost totally destroyed by Hurricane Hugo in 1989 - there are still huge boats by the side of the road that were left there by the tidal surge (I'll put a picture of one here eventually).

All that said, my gut is good with this and sometimes that's all we've got.  I'm ready for some change, and this is certainly that.   But for me, change is often served in fairly large portions.  Sometimes life changes are forced upon us, and sometimes we get the opportunity to choose if we've got the courage to actually make a decision.  In this case, I choose.  I suppose time will tell see if I have chosen wisely.

Very few things in life are permanent.  I've done some things that truly are permanent, but where I live isn't one of those things.  This is simply what comes next and as with most change I look forward to it with a mixture of anticipation and tempered concern.

In honor of what is happening, I'm about to watch a movie that I DVR'd a while ago, but haven't seen yet.  I'm going to watch "We Bought a Zoo" which seems to have a number of parallel threads.

On another topic, I'm glad I shared the beach wrestling photo this morning.  It's actually a significant statement of comfort.  To compete on a beach, in that particular sport, in a bathing suit, in front of a lot of people, requires a certain comfort level to do for pretty much anyone.    Needless to say, that's particularly true for me as there are, well, additional "complications" that make it that much more difficult.  To be honest, I didn't think much about it while it was happening as I was too focused on the issue at hand.  But in looking at that photo, and making the decision to share it here, I do see it in retrospect.  Anyway, as I said it's certainly not the most flattering photo ever taken of me.  But at 50 plus years of life and counting, I hope to have similar comfort with my body for a long time to come.

Tuesday is Half-Price-Burger night at my favorite little downtown pub.  I had dinner there tonight, and then went for a walk to soak it all in.  I'll be moving the small portion of my life stuff that is here in Charleston into the house slowly over the next few days.  Then?  Well, we'll see.  That's the beauty of life sometimes.  It unfolds itself.

I'll close by sharing some misc iPhone photos from my downtown stroll this evening....

1 comment:

Sophie Lynne said...

Sometimes the gut is all you have...

So true.

Someone once told me that instinct is God speaking to you. Not a bad thought.

So... do you play drums like Peter Brady? ;)