Sunday, October 6, 2013

This is me.

Anyone who has ready this blog for any period of time realizes that I continue to celebrate annual milestones in my life.  The date of my FFS.  The date of my SRS.  Each continues to remind me where I've come from, and each continues to be a foundation pillar of my year.  I never want to forget.

Friday - Oct. 4 - marked my first day at work as Donna in 1999.  I've shared this before (it's from the compilation of emails and journal entries from that time I've hidden online)....but it's still relevant.  It will always be relevant:

How long have we talked about this day? I can't believe it's here. I can't believe this is me. It's as if I were just a spectator watching this person do these things, and to realize that it's me is really amazing to me. I have no idea where I have gotten the strength/courage to actually show up here  today. It has built itself up over time, because I know it wasn't here too too long ago. It's one thing to want it and talk about it, and another to do it. And still another to feel comfortable about it. How many people actually follow it through? Pretty amazing.

I guess that's it for now. I may write more tonight. I can't remember everything right's all like a blur. I made a promise to myself to keep my head up, and look people in the eye, and display on the 
outside the happiness and satisfaction I feel on the inside. So far, I have done that. And when this day is  over, those are the things I will remember. Not necessarily what I wore, or what I did at lunch....but how I felt. I will never forget this day. 

I never will....And I will never lose appreciation for that particular milestone.  I have come a long way.

Speaking of remembering.....I remember when I was in college and had to write an analysis of the movie Raging Bull.  It was such a complex film that it was actually easy to find things to write about.  And the more you thought about it, the more you realized how many layers made the complex character played by Robert DeNiro such a compelling figure.

I remembered that yesterday, as I watched the new Sandra Bullock/George Clooney movie Gravity.  Deep, complex, compelling....for much of the movie she's all by herself so watching the roller coaster of her development through terrifying circumstances is more than simply a technical and visual wonder.  At its heart it is a reminder of the resilience of the human spirit.  Anyone who is down, who is facing seemingly unsurmountable challenges, who feels hopeless.....they need to see this movie.

I've said in the past that I want to build an IMAX theater into my house.  Anything in IMAX is a sensual onslaught, and this was no difference.  The ground shaking sound coming from every direction....the huge images...the stunning 3D...I'm definitely an IMAX junkie.  This movie was probably the best $12 I've spent in a long time.  I can see myself going back again.  Not for nothing, but I liked all the previews they showed before the movie, too.

At the end of the year, when it's time for Oscar nominations, Sandra Bullock's performance will be featured prominently along with Kate Blanchett's character in Blue Jasmine.  The scene where she's crying, and the tears roll out of her eyes and float away as weightless droplets is particularly affecting.

Anyway - suffice it to say I share the superlatives that seem almost universally used when discussing or reviewing this movie.

The remainder of the my was excellent as well.  I went to a new local shooting range and gave all 3 of my handguns a workout.  If I may say so myself, I was sharp.  It's

I stopped at Costco and Trader Joe's to buy my favorite cookies - nobody else sells them.  In my continuing cooking jag I made a tasty fresh mushroom, ham, and Colby Jack cheese omelette for breakfast and I met someone out for dinner.  It was even a good hair day - you need to appreciate those when you can.

To close out the evening last night I watched a show on Paladia that's part of the CMT series "Crossroads".  The gist of the series is that they typically pair a well-known country act with a well-known act from some other genre to play their songs together.  Previous episodes have featured Sting and Vince Gill, Train and Martina McBride, John Mayer and Keith Urban.  I love these.

Last night's episode was particularly entertaining.  It was Stevie Nicks combined with Lady Antebellum.  The full episode is available online (link here).  If you get an hour of quiet time, it's an hour well worth spent watching this.

I mentioned the other night that we were having some intense storms come thru the area.  There was an EF4 tornado 100 miles north of here as part of it.  I went to the top of the hill where I live and watched the lightshow of lightning in the distance - it was pretty incredible.

The Lightning Show

Now, it feels like fall.  Real fall.  It's gray, windy, and the high temperatures are in the low 50's.  It's wet, too.  I took the pups to the dog park and took a picture of the basketball court.  I looks like a swimming pool.  That's not a complaint....I enjoy fall.  It's what comes after that I'll complain about...

The basketball court after the rains....

Today is a new day.  This morning I made some home-made waffles with fresh strawberries.  I brought my favorite waffle-maker back with me and it did what it doest best....makes yummy, warm waffles.  I've already done my shopping.

Today, I'm unwinding.  I think I'm going to make and upload a video to my YouTube channel has been far too long.  I'm planning to go for a run at the gym.  I've got some cleaning to do.

All things considered.....Life is good. more thing.  I still can't believe that this is me.


Sophie Lynne said...

Could do without the fungus in the omelet, but otherwise sounds sublime.

The fact that you kept your original journals, etc, online is so amazing. (Yes, I read them) They really give a window on the raw thoughts and emotions. For those of us still sailing into this storm, it's an invaluable navigation aid.

paintsnfun said...

I can so relate to all you wrote....except I'd have to skip the strawberries.

I kept a journal too. When I go back and read it, those moments of terror, worry, uncertainty and fear come flooding back. The first day at work: I was absolutely petrified to walk into the hospital where I practiced. But somehow I did. And most people were very nice. Occasional pronoun or name slips. The people who didn't understand or accept stayed away or didn't say anything. Not too many hateful or shaming emails.

I watched the Crossroads you mentioned. Really good. Then I found the episode with Rascal Flatts and Journey. Not a pairing I would have thought of but it was quite good. Thanks for sharing that info.

paintsnfun said...

Since I worked in a smaller department within a community hospital, I decided to use a gender neutral bathroom while people got used to me. One of the women insisted that a lock be placed on the door of the woman's bathroom. I was amused, but also hurt. What did she think I was going to do in there? Anyway, once I had GRS, I started using the women's room. I never really had anyone else have any issues with that.

Anonymous said...

I have seen Stevie Nicks more than any other person in concert she never fails to put on a memorable concert. I caught the last half of the crossroads concert and thought it was very good. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to see it again

Gwen said...

Oh, yeah, huh!!!
You haven't experienced a Nebraska winter yet, have you!?
Maybe you'll get to understand why I relocated from Omaha to Albuquerque!!!!!
Also, I second Sophie Lynne's comment!
((How can you love fungus but abhor eggplant?))

paintsnfun said...

I lived in Council Bluffs, Iowa, across the river from Omaha for three years. Coldest place.....but then I had moved there from Florida (job related). The first winter Halloween was cancelled because of a blizzard and deep snow. It went downhill from there....I couldn't stand it.

AnotherMe said...

I first read your blog almost 10 years ago. It's a joy to continue reading of you, being, as you. To see the courage you've shared over the years in your writing is a great encouragement. God bless you.