It is Sunday, at 6:30 am. I'm up and getting ready to start the day.
So, it is decided. On Thanksgiving morning I am flying to Dallas to have dinner with my mom. As I mentioned in my last post I was conflicted about having to travel over the Holiday and still am, but I need to spend the day with my mom. It's that simple. And so it shall be.
I did something I rarely do yesterday afternoon. I took a nap. I suppose it was the end result of a generally busy life, getting up early to bring my truck for an oil change, a couple of hours at the gym this morning, and not enough sleep overall. But those couple of hours of sleep in my own bed this afternoon were wonderful. I think the thing that made it special was that it doesn't happen very often. Thankfully, I still slept well last night too.
I mentioned that I went to the gym yesterday. I went with a friends, she's a bartender at a local restaurant an in wonderful shape. I've been going to gyms for almost twice as long as she's even been alive. But I'll have to admit that going with her was eye opening, perhaps even transformative.
When I go to the gym, I'm in a place that I'me generally comfortable. The main thrust of my gym work is one of two things (1) resistance training (strength) or (2) aerobics training. Well, she added a third category that I've been missing out on for a long time. She does dozens of squats without weight, but the combination of them tones her already shapely butt. She can do pull ups - for all my significant strength I can't do a single pull-up. I need to go with her more often, as this dog needs to learn some new tricks. I'm kinda sore from it all today, and I'll be back there to do it again later.
I've got a goal to lose 15 pounds by the end of the year. Given that this time of year is punctuated by eating (and over-eating) it's a fairly ambitious goal. I'm fairly confident I'll get there, or be close.
I'm going to change my usual habit this week. I need to be in Raleigh tomorrow and I'd traditionally get up at 4am and do the drive i the dark..get to work...and get to bed early. I think today I'll drive to Raleigh late afternoon and enjoy a good, relaxing night there before going to work tomorrow. It makes for a better quality of life - especially given that this will be a "short week".
I'm expecting to have some New Year's Resolutions this year. Not in the traditional sense, I suppose, as I rarely do anything traditional. But once I've set my mind on something - for better or for worse - I can lock onto it and it becomes almost obsessive. Wrestling was like that. I suppose my transition was like that in one way or another too. One of my problems is that there are so many things I like to do and want to do - often directly opposed goals - that I get partway thru things and don't see them to completion. So I've always got the feeling that there are many balls in the air when although there are, part of it is my own fault for not focusing on them one or two at a time and focusing on them. I need to work on that, and as I sit here this early Sunday sipping on coffee listening to Coldplay I'm already making those priority decisions and plans.
To have energy, and creativity, and desire is a truly blessings. To have drive and passion are things I can't imagine life without. But focusing all of that - now THAT'S difficult. One friend recently wrote saying that she admires the way I set goals and am so good at sticking to them. That's true in one was, I suppose, but in a very real way my life is fluid. I like it like that.
One thing I want to close with today is being alone. I enjoy being alone. I suppose, more accurately, I have come to NEED my alone time. I never really feel alone. There are people in my life - special people - who give me energy and without whom I can't imagine life. But as I type this I'm alone. When I go to Raleigh later today, and check into my hotel - I'm alone. I've come to very much appreciate my alone time. And when I want to get away sometimes I'll want to do it with someone and sometimes not.
The process of getting comfortable being alone took a long time. Our culture puts quite a bit of pressure on people that if you're alone something is missing. There are always trade-offs. But I have no problem going to the movies by myself, or a concert, or to a restaurant for dinner. My ability to do any of these things with another person is not the determining factor of whether or not I'll do them.
It may be something about semantics but I see a difference between being alone and being solitary. One is more about proximity to other. The other implies a kind of isolation. There are times when I need to isolate myself....no question about that....for any number of reasons. But I'm a very social person.
Last week at work they had a group get-together where everyone met at a bowling alley for food and fun. I didn't go. It had nothing to do with bowling, either. It was more about boundaries I've set for myself with regards to my social self. I typically don't make friends at work. I go there, I do my job, I'm involved....I'm not in a closet but I'm aware why I'm there. In a couple of weeks one the president of a company I used to work for is coming to Charleston and we're planning to meet for dinner. I'm not sure I can articulate why that's ok in my mind but bowling with the larger group isn't. All I know is that it works in my head.
I went to the Christmas Tree lighting event in Mt. Pleasant Town Center last night. There were lots of kids there, and they made a big deal of turning on the lights on the tree. There was a big laser light thing, and entertainers, and it was a cool family thing. I enjoyed watching it all.
One of my reasons for being there was to go to Victoria's Secret. I get all my bras there. I had a coupon that expires today. Most of my bras are what I'd call "everyday" bras....different colors that are comfortable, functional, and hold my 38 DD twins well. Anyway, last night I had a choice between another "everyday" bra or a red one, with some pretty lace. I'll leave it to the imagination which one I bought. Now all I need is an excuse other than a red outfit to wear it. :)
I'm nesting. Even though I'm living in a "furnished" place I've moved a significant number of things here into storage and bought in my own stuff. Today I'll buy a shower curtain...seems insignificant, I know...but it's another reminder that this is my space. I really, really, really like it here. So today's roadmap includes going to the gym, finding a shower curtain, reading the Sunday paper, packing and driving to Raleigh, finding something I can use as a coat rack, and generally enjoying what looks to be a bit of a chilly, wet day here. As for me - I'm loving it.
Onwards. I wrote about a number of things today that are fairly large in my world. I'm very aware that these are days to appreciate, good times, while I can. I've used the metaphor of tides to describe life, and relationships, and I see it as very accurate. Tide is in right now and the sea is relatively calm. I'm appreciating it while I can.
Make no mistake....in-tide i a relatively fragile dynamic. It's not controlled by the moon, but somehow I think there are still cycles of some kind. I use Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs from Psych 101 in my day-to-day life so I'm aware what something happening can do to change things in an instant. The key is that I'm not afraid of doing something that will break it. If anything, I'll so something to prolong it or take it to the next level. When seas get rougher I'll work out of it as best I can...as I always do. I suppose it's a life outlook. But for now...we can rest. And take naps. I have a feeling that once the end of the week rolls around I'll need another one. :)