Saturday, March 30, 2013


Today was a day of sights.  It was finally seasonally warm - that is, in the low 70's - but it won't last long as we're expecting rain over the next few days.  I'm a big live for the moment fan, so none of that matters right now.

Some of my sights from the day....

Sunset - headed home

Beautiful evening from my back yard

Caught my eye....

The big news of the day for me isn't anything in N. Korea or overseas.  It's the fact that my Syracuse Orangemen won their game today to make it to the Final 4.  I've followed sports for a long time, and the one and only time that my team won a championship is when Syracuse beat Kansas in the NCAA Final a decade ago.  Anyway, in my "live for the moment" kind of way - I'm thrilled.  

I did a lot of outdoor stuff today.  Weeding.  Cleaning mold from the inside of a boat cabin to get it ready for the water.  All good stuff.  

I'll be giving the Keynote at the Empire State Pride Agenda Spring Dinner in Rochester, NY on May 18 (link here).  Needless to say, I'm very much forward to looking forward to it because in a very real way it will always be "home".  I lived there for 15 years, I raised my son there, my brother and sister still live there, and I look forward to going back so long as there's not snow on the ground.  Anyway, being invited to speak at this event is a tremendous honor and I'm thrilled it all worked out.  I hope to be able to take a few extra days to visit while I'm there....

But May is a long way away.  Tomorrow is Easter, a day of significance.

The lowest day in my life was Easter day, 1999.  Here's some text from an early version of Wrapped in Blue about that day:

Easter Sunday had always been a significant holiday for our family. Perhaps not so 
much because we were particularly religious, or that we were celebrating the religious 
significance of the day, as for the spiritual rebirth that it represented. 

When Matt was young, we’d spend the night before Easter hiding candy and eggs 
around the house. Once he woke up we’d follow him around the house, sharing in his 
excitement as he searched high and low for the candy and small presents that the Easter 
Bunny had carelessly hidden so he could easily find them. 

Most years the three of us would go to church, and then out for a nice Easter brunch. 
It had been just one Easter ago when Elisabeth exploded at me in front of Matt, which 
marked a huge turning point in our relationship and my struggle. 

This year, it was Easter, and I was alone. It was dreary and cold outside… so cold, in 
fact, that some areas around Scottsdale actually saw snow. I was mentally and 
physically in pain. I was lonely; I was confused; and I spent the morning crying…feeling 
sorry for myself in my self-inflicted predicament. 

Around noontime, Brian called. “Hey, whatchya doing?” he asked. 
“Surviving,” I replied, trying to sound as cheery as possible. 
“You don’t sound so good. Are you doing ok?” 
“To tell you the truth, it has been a rough morning. But I think the worst is over and 
I’m feeling a little better.” 
“Do you have any plans for Easter dinner?” he asked. 
“Nope. Just whatever I have in the fridge.” 
He paused for a moment. “Hey. How about if I pick up some barbecued chicken, 
salad and desert, and head over there for Easter lunch. I have plans later for Easter 
dinner, but I’d love to stop by for a little while if you want.” 
It only took a second to think about it. “Yes,” I replied. “I think I’d like that.”

He was at my apartment, bearing food and beer before the hour was over. 
Over the previous few weeks, as I prepared for going full-time, Brian had done his best 
to understand. We had had some deep conversations, but in the end I’m not sure he was 
any closer to comprehending the power of the forces that were driving me. Despite my 
best attempts to help him understand, I still think he thought it was about the clothes. 

That afternoon, as we snacked on chicken and drank beer, we had an in-depth, 
emotional chat. I did my best to verbalize my fears and my discomfort. I explained my 
loneliness, and my despair. I explained how difficult it was to go from a role in which I 
felt so secure and natural, but empty, to one in which I felt so insecure, vulnerable, 
clumsy and unprepared. For the first time, he seemed to get it, at least some of it. 

Perhaps it was because I looked and felt so pathetic. Perhaps he had had a sudden 
moment of clarity. I don’t know. What I do know is that I will never forget the kindness 
that Brian showed to me that day, as his efforts rescued me from one of the lowest 
points in my life.

It all seems like a lifetime ago.....

Anyway, I'm looking forward to tomorrow.  I hope to be up early, walking around downtown, taking photos.  More sights to see.  

We'll see how it all unfolds....

No comments: