It has been several weeks since my last one. The main reason is simple - it's financial. Each little vial of that liquid gold costs anywhere between $150-$200 so it's not an insignificant investment. With all the moving expenses and other craziness lately I just haven't been able to swing it.
At one time these shots were hard to do to myself. The whole concept of plunging an inch-and-a-half long intramuscular needle into your own butt can be a significant mental barrier and I know some who just can't get past that. But, as is my general mantra in life you just do what you need to. So, I do.
Estrogen, and hormones in general, lacks any sort of consistency whatsoever when it comes to post-op transwomen. I know a number of us who have stopped altogether. Others are on a relatively small maintenance dose. As for me - there's no substitute for the injectibles. I don't have any scientific support for that, and in fact I don't really need any.
Regardless, the thing is that I'm more emotional when I've had my shots. The magnitude of what I'm doing, and my reaction to some things, was magnified today. Estrogen? Perhaps. But real nonetheless.
I should be doing more unpacking but I'm getting ready for bed. I'm tired. I was going to go to the gym after work but ended up coming home and cooking a half decent dinner for myself. It was nice. And needed.
I'll share a couple of photos from my new little world.
The first is my bed. I don't have a mattress, so it's an air mattress. Thank God they invented auto-pumps for these things. I don't have enough air in my lungs to fill up something like that. Around it is the bedroom set I bought off Craigslist this past weekend.....for less than my vial of estrogen.
The second is of the flight path. My apartment complex is near the end of a runway where big planes take off. I suppose some would perceive that as a negative, but watching these big planes take off and bank into the sunset and feeling the rumble on the ground is pretty cool.
I still need a couple of things for my place. LIke, artwork for the walls. That's the big thing missing right now to make it feel more like home. That's the big thing. Home. Or, more accurately - Home away from home.