Thursday, July 18, 2013

All that bad

I've had a few revelations recently.

First - turkey bacon is disgusting.  It doesn't taste like bacon.  It doesn't even really look like bacon.  It reminds me of a tofurkey.  I bought some thinking it'd be like turkey sausage - not all that bad.  Well, I was incorrect.  It is all that bad.

Second - I make a mean turkey sandwich.  Not turkey bacon, mind you.  But real turkey turkey.  Some pickles (the full sized gerkins are best, sliced length wise).  Mayo.  Tomatoes.  Lettuce.  Oven-baked turkey.  Some Muenster cheese.  Fresh bread.  The magic ingredient is some Wishbone Chipotle-Ranch dressing to give it a little kick.  Warmed in the microwave for 30 seconds.  I enjoyed one so much yesterday after I got home I made another one today.  It was equally as yummy.

Third - life milestones are never to be forgotten.  Today was the anniversary of my wedding day 32 years ago.  Despite what eventually happened to my marriage, it's a day I'll never forget.  There is no sadness in it.  There is no regret.  It's just a life milestone not to be forgotten as the years pass and it fades in the rear view mirror.

The same is true for my FFS.  In any way that matters, it was the dramatic beginning of life as I know it.  That anniversary is on Sunday.  July 21.  It was a Wednesday.  Back in 1999 tomorrow was the last day I spent at home.  The 20th was the day I left, flew to San Francisco, and had my pre-op appointment with Dr. O.  And the 21st - well, 13+ hours of life-changing surgery.

I will never forget being rolled into the O.R.  And I'll never forget the Hell of the night after I woke up from surgery - when minutes felt like agonizing hours.  Some may choose to not look backwards at those kinds of things.  As for me, well, it remains a life anchor that I celebrate annually by calling Dr. O's office and catching up.  I did that today, for the 14th time.  That has been over a quarter of my life at this point.

Fourth - Kill Bill Vol. 1 sounds great with a half-decent surround sound system.  That may not be as big as #3....but I'm just sayin'....

Today was catch-up day.  I had lots to do after my little time away - that's the price you pay.  No worries, tho.  I'm still enjoying what I'm doing and the day passed quickly.  So tonight - it's a glass of red wine, a turkey sandwich (as described), and Kill Bill.

None of this may be big for anyone else but me.  But it's the roadmap of a life well lived, and in progress.

That said, Lynn Conway recently had a piece in Huffington Post (read it here). It's titled "The Many Shades of 'Out'".  It's nice to see Lynn "out there" again.  She was such a pioneer for so many of us, and she seems to have found her own healthy balance between privacy/outness.  I've got some thoughts.

I never liked the term "Out".  It feels like "admitting" something.  Or, that there's some binary of Out, and not.  But that's more an argument about semantics than one of substance.  The important concept is that it's not that simple.

In a practical example, I recently had to disclose quite a bit of personal information in a specific aspect of my career.  It's certainly not like I'm hiding, as anyone looking for me doesn't need to look hard to find more information about me than I'd typically bring up in a conversation.  I don't need to convince anyone that I'm not ashamed of any of it.  But at the same time, in many instances it's just not germain to the circumstance.  But sometimes, it is.

The fact that I'm out where I've wanted/needed to be out and not necessarily out in other elements of my life isn't something I consciously consider very often.  A far more healthy approach is to NOT think about it, and other than this blog my day-to-day life isn't ABOUT this.  I realize I'm incredibly fortunate to be in that position but it's as much mental as anything.

When I talked with Mira at Dr. O's office today we talked about how much the world has changed with regards to trans-visibility over the 14 years since I had my FFS.  Lynn was part of that.  I like to think I've done my part to help things along, too, even if it's simply NOT allowing myself to be one-dimensioned by the label.  That - and changing perception of the label.  Both are equally important to me and are things I doubt previously generations of us imagined they'd see.  But - here we are.  We dare to imagine.

In any event - tomorrow is Friday.  It seems like a short week thanks to my travels.  But, as with some of the things I've chatted about tonight, that's more mental than real.  Regardless - I'm already looking forward to the weekend.

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