Do you believe in fate? Or signs? Things that you can't really put your finger on but just believe are meant to show the way to a destination?
I do. At least, in a way I do. I think it'd be easy to attribute whatever you see that in some way supports whatever you want to do as a sign and that's not necessarily a bad thing if it helps you come to peace with where you're going. I remember the stormy time just before my transition when I was still fighting it, still looking for something to help me to know what to do. I looked for signs everywhere - in the church, in nature, in everyday "stuff" that would provide some justification to NOT transition. Needless to say, I didn't get them.
So, here I am. I'm in Raleigh, NC. Actually - at the moment I'm at a friend's in Chapel Hill but that's just a detail (thanks Sarah!)....
I've got a number of potential opportunities, each of which would lead me in a different direction. That's actually one of the reasons I'm here.
I digress. So, after a long day of interviews on Wednesday I went back to my hotel, changed into some comfy clothes, and went out for a bite to eat (and a drink). It was absolutely pouring when I came out, and when I got back to my hotel room and looked out.....there it was. A big, bright rainbow.
It's too bad the photo doesn't do it justice. But there it was. In all it's glory.
The past couple of days have given some clarity where there was murkiness before and that's a very good thing. There's still lots to ponder, lots of things that need to fall into place, and lots of things to consider as opportunities, directions and decisions are considered. But it's nice when things that you do simply because they "feel" right at the beginning turn out to actually be right in the longrun.
I realize that's a lot of words and very little detail, or substance. But in the same way I believe in signs I also believe in jinxing a potentially good thing and I don't want to do that, especially if it doesn't turn out to materialize. But this trip has felt good, things have gone tremendously well, and as i leave today I'm more comfortable in a number of things than when I arrived.
In the bigger world, the Obama administration re-affirmed it's commitment to trans health care by emphasizing that discrimination agains trans-people by organizations that receive federal funds will not be tolerated as part of Obamacare (story here). These kinds of things are hugs steps. The fact that there's even visibility to the issues many of us face and our unique needs all the way up to the White House would be amazing enough....but the fact that the President is making these bold statements in the election year is truly remarkable.
Why is this a big deal? Because trans-wellness is a big deal. Because discrimination, or lack of care, based on our trans-ness is real and if affects people's live whether it's getting hormones, an illness, treatment for cancer, treatment in a medical emergency - it's a fact of life. One of the stories recently publicized is a trans-man who was not only denied treatment for breast cancer because of his trans status, the doctor didn't even tell the guy (story here).
People are certainly allowed to have an opinion. But as a doctor, this is akin to a cop seeing a beating but turning away, or a firetruck not responding to a fire. It's criminal. And I'm glad to see the recognition the issue is getting. Now, if we can just get and keep a job....
Anyway - it's time to hit the road. I've got 450 miles to cover today. No rest for the weary...