Friday, August 17, 2012

Wanderer Revisited

So - I suppose this is my "first" morning here in North Carolina.  So far so good.  I slept like a baby.

I was thinking about what I shared yesterday, and I feel a need to refine a couple of things.  One is that I'm not sure that my soul is "restless" in the typical sense so much as it is wandering, looking for something.  The key to being a wanderer, I think, is to have a grounded sense of self and in that regard we're good.  While everything else may be moving that's always set and stable.

I also don't want to seem melancholy or overly down because that's not it either.  The key for me in Charleston, and in other places I've lived, is that when the end of my time there comes to be able to look back over it and not have regrets.  I suppose in a way that's true of life in general, too, but I've always been conscious of making the most of my time anywhere with a general understanding that someday it will end.

If we can look back over portions of our lives and say that we did our best, that we made good decisions and bad, but that we weren't afraid to try then that time was well lived.  The bond to the area that brought me to the area in the first place is still there.  But at some point practical realities play into the equation and, for me, that point is now.

But for true wanderers, more time needs be spent looking forward than back.  I've already met with a woman to look at homes to rent, and I've got an appointment on Sunday with someone who's looking to share their home short-term.   Part of this process is all about discovery and I don't feel pressured or hurried to make those decisions.  I'd rather take my time and make good ones than make quick ones that I'll regret.

That word, no - that concept, is a significant motivator in my life.  Regret.  It's a big, big thing.  There was a time when I wanted an ordinary life just like everyone else but now that I've done what I've done I've come to realize that ordinary isn't part of my nature.  My transition was as much about breaking free of boundaries and shackles as things specific to gender to the point where I've simply grown comfortable being me.  There is a price to pay when you can't or won't fit into "ordinary" but that's a price I'm willing to pay.  I'm fortunate to find others from time to time for who "ordinary" doesn't fit either, and those are kindred spirits along the path of life.

I'm a very self-sufficient person.  Part of it is that I've had to be out of necessity, and part of it is that I know what needs to be done and I do it.  It's 7:30am as I write this and I'm just back from breakfast here at the hotel.  The day will include a run on the treadmill before taking a shower, packing, and checking out.  I need to be in Raleigh to sign paperwork at 10:30.  I expect to be on the road back to Charlotte (2 hrs) by noon - I've got a 5pm flight to Rochester.  I land at 10:30 this evening.

Tomorrow I'll start the day by visiting.  Wedding is at 11.  Reception is at 5.  I've got a 7am flight back to Charlotte Sunday morning, then a two hour drive to get back to Raleigh.  I've got an appointment to look at a house Sunday afternoon, and will finally be able to relax a bit before I start my new job.

So - let me say something about my job.

I'm typically pretty careful about what I'll share about certain things in my world.  My job is one of those things.  I've taken a position managing large IT projects at one of the tech companies here in the area.  I've contracted for the better part of 30 years, and although this position starts out as contract after 6 months there is an option to become a full-time employee.  I've avoided that kind of thing in the past for  number of reasons.  But my optimism both for myself and for this "relationship"is such that I'm willing to change.  That's one of the reasons I'm here over other opportunities that presented themselves...

So - as I look forward I'm looking to rent someplace I can bring all my "stuff" to and call home.  I'm looking to be settled for quite a while.  And although there are certainly no promises when I look back at these posts at some point in the future with the benefit of time and hindsight it will be interesting to see how that actually translates into reality.  It all starts between your ears, and in that regard - I'm good.

Oh - one more thing.  I went to see the new Bourne movie the other day.  I liked it.  It got kind of hokie near the end but overall it's the kind of movie I expected it to be.  I don't think anyone will ever replace Matt Damon regardless of how many of those they make and I just hope they don't try to connect too many dots in subsequent sequels.  In my opinion, the subsequent Matrix movies after the first one diminished the first one.  At least for me, it did.

In any event, before the movie there were 7 trailers of movies coming out during the Holidays.  I had never seen any of them before.  And, after watching them - I want to see all 7 of them which I found sort of wonderful.  After the 5th I really didn't want to see any more trailers for fear that there would be a lemon among them but truly I expect I'll go see all 7 of them.  I'm sure they choose the genre of movies to show trailers for based on the expected audience for the featured movie and in this case they hit a bullseye 7 times in a row.

Now - it's time to let the day begin.  There's a treadmill calling my name.  :)

1 comment:

Gwen said...

You might want to take a couple of months at the new job to MAKE SURE that it is the fit that you think that it is and not a coercion from your desire to take root.
If it doesn't match your expectations, settling yourself too soon could result in a larger disappointment.

Either way, good luck and best wishes