Move Sucka

Despite all the distance we've come collectively as a community in the last ten years one area where I think there's still little or no consensus is on hormones for post-op transsexuals. Especially MTF's.

From the earliest days my doctor had me on a pretty aggressive program that included estrogen pills and injections, a testosterone blocker, and at one point a progesterone. I remember the rush I used to feel when I went to get those bi-weekly shots. It would make my head race, and my breasts tingle, and it felt as if it found it's way to every muscle in my body within an hour. Honest to God.

Now that I'm long since post-op the general wisdom would put me on some minimal dosage of pill estrogen to maintain an even level of it, and we manage that with my bi-annual blood tests. But I'll tell you - I wouldn't give up the injections for anything.

The hard part is that I generally give myself my shots these days. That's not as easy as it might sound. To stick an inch and a half long needle deep into your butt, do the injection itself, pull the needle out (it sometimes involves a little blood), and then finish it up is harder than you might think. There was a time when I thought I'd faint over it all. Now I just get all sweaty. But it's still worth it. At least as far as I'm concerned it is.

Today was a very good day. It included visiting a friend of a friend in town for surgery, doing a workout at the fitness center, doing some job stuff, a quick visit to Costco, a very productive wrestling session, and a home-cooked dinner. I'm not sure why I'm feeling so good about the day - it's probably the shot.

Tonight's wrestling training was my first time back on the mat since my jaw surgery (don't tell Dr. O). I went to one of the trainings a couple of weeks ago but that was just to do some drills and stretching - I was far from ready from contact and even at that I felt horrible afterwards.

Tonight we had a good group of people show up and spent over an hour sparring. It was great. I was VERY careful about the jaw - my coach has a line he uses for us all: "Don't break your toys.". But it felt great to be out there, get the blood pumping, and even though I felt a little sluggish I've stayed in shape and I was felt good about it. We're going to do it all again tomorrow.

As I mentioned, I've officially registered at the US World Team Trials in Iowa next week. I'm eligible to compete thanks to my finish at the Nationals last month but deciding whether to actually go or not was not as easy as you might think (here's the official list - I'm in the Women's 72kg division). It's a big, big, big deal and I have to admit that all the attention being focused there is a little unnerving. But - I'll be there, I'll be as ready as I can be, and I won't be afraid. (Here's the official web page dedicated to the event). I go there with realistic expectations and I'll walk off the mat with my head held high no matter what happens. That's a promise I've made to myself, and a promise I intend to keep.

There's an article on the Gay Games website about my recent wrestling event that I find particularly moving:

She chose this mainstream stage for her first warm-up competition prior to Cologne this summer, as the first-ever transgender woman and very likely the oldest wrestler in the meet, to step up. She grappled with woman less than half her age, younger than her own grown son!

Donna placed 6th in the women's 72-kilogram (158.75 pounds,) qualifying for the World Championship trials later this year in Iowa, where she could qualify to represent the USA. Instead of causing potential controversy and a media frenzy over the two days, she won the respect of her competitors as an athlete that was skilled and well prepared. Donna’s integrity, willpower and skill did the talking.

As I say - it's very unnerving.

If you somehow see me warming up you'll see ear buds in my ears and I'll be jamming to tunes that put me in my own place while getting mentally prepared. I've got a number of songs that I listen to prior to a match but there's one in particular that gets me going like no other. Listening at full blast is almost an out-of-body experience. This is it....

I was watching "Live Free or Die Hard" over the weekend. It's one of my more favorite of the "Die Hard" series of movies. There's a particularly poignant exchange between Bruce Willis and the guy from the "I'm a Mac/I'm a PC" commercials about being a hero. It's about what makes you "That guy":

Do you know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. Pat on the back, blah blah blah. 'Attaboy.' You get divorced... Your wife can't remember your last name, kids don't want to talk to you... You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me kid, nobody wants to be that guy. [I do this] because there is nobody else to do it right now. Believe me if there was somebody else to do it, I would let them do it. There's not, so [I'm] doing it. That's what makes you that guy."

I'd be lying if said I haven't felt that way before.

So, in honor of heros, I'll finish tonight's blurb by sharing a fairly restrained version of a song I like that's my Song for the day..

Gnight.