Decisions and Growth

At the beginning of April I was faced with a decision. I had a manager who I'd never met telling me I couldn't take time away from my cubicle to go to the Easter Egg Roll at the White House. The company provided all the tools to be able to do my job from anywhere in the country, mind you, but this person really wasn't interested in allowing that. So, I had a decision to make about attending a once-in-a-lifetime event or allowing a micro-manager to keep me in my cube. It may come as no surprise that this was not a difficult decision for me to make (although I'd argue that it was an absolutely unnecessary one).

I have been unemployed since, and have filled the time with a variety of things that I've taken the time to do. I've been focused on training and wrestling at the Nationals. I went through the entire process of having surgery, and the extended healing process involved. I spent time tying off loose ends in South Carolina, and visiting my mom and son in Texas. But the practical reality is that (a) I am NOT independently wealthy and (b) I go stir crazy during the day. So - it's time to decide what to do next.

I've written quite a bit lately about outgrowing things. I have outgrown some of the relationships in my life recently, or they've outgrown me. I have outgrown some of the priorities in my life and have had to re-calibrate some things. I have outgrown some of the roles that I've grown accustomed to playing, and to expectations that I and other have had for me. I say all these things as positive things as they're all part of "change" and they imply some sort of growth. I like to believe growth continues until you choose to allow it to stop.

Most significant for this post is the fact that I've outgrown many of the aspect that have become my "career". After 30 years of doing mostly the same stuff it's odd to feel as though you're at a point very much like when I was 18 or 19 years old and in a position of needing to make life direction choices that I'd need to live with over the course of my life.

It's easier to make decisions when you have only one or two or three options. Or zero options. But it's hard to make decisions when there are no constraints on where or what except your own willingness to "do" or limitations on your ability to think outside the "box".

If you would have asked me a year ago what my life would look like right now many of the things I would have envisioned as being part of it are gone. And other things that I never imagined or knew at the time have taken their place. That's not to say that the things that are gone were "wrong" turns or a waste of time any more than recognizing that some of the things that things that are here now will be gone next year at this time. That's just life.

But finding that next thing for me on the career front has been an elusive nut to crack for a while now. I refuse to accept what I've done for the last ten or twenty years still fits in the way that it once did. And, I'll keep looking until I find it.

My hat is off to those who love what they do. I know you're out there. What do I love? I love photography. I enjoy writing. I enjoy meeting people, and talking to people. I'm a capable problem solver and planner. I like to travel. Put all those ingredients together and what do you have? I don't know what the answer is. But - I assure you - I'll figure it out.

I don't read much but the book next to my bed at the moment is "Building Your Photography Business". I got it when I was with mom last week. And it's not just about doing weddings or portraits or things like that. That's not my thing, either. Here's a photo I took in mom's garden last week that I kinda like. It's a grasshopper on one of my mom's day lilies. But the lines and the colors blend in well....

Anyway - the search continues....

I enjoy looking back at previous times from my life. I shared a recent video blog in yesterday's entry but one of my favorites was from last May - a little over a year ago. In some ways it seems like so much longer ago than that....

Here it is - a blast from the past:

Onwards!