Wednesday, July 21, 2010

11 yrs. And counting.

I'm feeling sort of nostalgic tonight.  I was looking back at some of my FFS photos (here's my FFS page).  Today is the 11th anniversary of my pre-op appointment with Dr. O, and tomorrow is the anniversary of my FFS.

People underestimate what these procedures are.  There is an admittedly physical component to it.  But I found the deeper changes that come with finally seeing your true self in the mirror for the first time to be far more profound, and enduring.  Those days set the tone for everything that has come after - good and bad, up and down.

I have been in a particularly introspective "mood" lately.  Part of it has to do with figuring out next chapters in life - there's far more to that than I feel like talking about here now.  But one thing I will share is that tomorrow - the anniversary of my FFS - I'm having dinner over at my ex's house.  She's cooking Tilapia.

I'm listening to the song "Say" by John Mayer tonight.  It was the theme song from the movie "The Bucket List" - it urges people to say what they need to say, while they can.

Life is full of ups and downs.  It's full of trade-off's.  It's full of uncertainty.  I'd go so far as to say that life is inherently pretty brutal - it's just that we do a pretty good job of putting a civilized face on it most of the time.  But things like careers and money and some of other practical realities of life sometimes actually pass themselves off AS life.  But they're not.

The only givens are that we're all born into this world and we'll all leave it someday.  It's what we do with that in-between part that matters.   There are no guarantees.  There are no roadmaps.  All any of us can do is our best.  Along the way that involves savoring the moments that are the good times, and surviving the challenges of the "down" times.  Hopefully, in the end, we can find balance.

That's probably a lot of mumbo jumbo to most but it makes perfect sense to me.

I have been pushing some envelopes lately.  I'm smiling as I'm thinking about them and perhaps one of these days I'll elaborate.  But these last couple of weeks have involved doing some things I've never imagined.  AND,  feeling good about it.  The only reason I mention it here is that the fact that I can do what I do can be traced directly back to July 22, 1999.  That's when it all started.

What has happened since then is more than I could ever have imagined.  It's amazing.  And there are things that happen to remind me why I'm not here to just live my life like everyone else - just being "normal".  One is happening now - it's the story of a woman who was married to a fireman who recently died, and whose family is trying to void the marriage (read story here).  This stuff infuriates me, and the fact that people can even think this way makes me know why I'm here.


Caroline said...

Greed and hypocrisy, what a cocktail!

Caroline xxx

shakay said...

Donna: Congratulations on your Special Day.

I don't know if it applies here, but I've heard that when people are lying there on their death bed, it's not the things in life they regret so much as the things they didn't do. Some of us in life let things happen, and some of us make things happen.

You have made a tremendous difference in the trans community. Please be proud of that accomplishment.

Hugs, Shari