I recently mentioned that I had a video blog entry from early last July that I never published. I decided to publish it today so I've added it both to my MobileMe gallery (see yesterday's post) as well as to YouTube.
I can't believe the it has been a year already since then. I remember July 4 with my son, driving across Oklahoma and surviving the most intense storm I've even seen. That storm is indicative of how I was feeling at the time, as well, as I had hit an emotional wall that sent me into a pretty difficult time. I ended my blog - well, I suppose a more accurate statement would be that I suspended it. I got off Facebook for a while, as well. I needed to shed things in my world that required additional energy and attention in order to focus inwards on deeper needs.
I think back to that time with thanks. In retrospect I see that it lay the foundations for things that have happened since then and that continue to happen in my life. There is a tendency to focus ourselves on something when our needs are acute but then forget all about them when the urgency of the moment passes. I have not done that. I continue to be very aware about energy, about the people and the relationships in my life and the balance of give/take, and on taking care of the deeper needs so that they don't bring me down so far so fast again.
I have also gotten much better at letting go. That's not easy, sometimes. Subsequent to this video my son quickly realized that his relocation to Phoenix probably wasn't a good idea so he got into the car with the dogs and all his stuff and drove the entire 2,400 miles back to Rochester. As much as I wanted to be able to help him I could not allow his drama become my own and as a result he did what he needed to do. It was a challenge for him, and truly a growing opportunity. So, in the end what seemed like a scary moment at the time turned out to be necessary and positive.
In the video I mention that I went to see my doctor. That day was the only time he has ever seen me cry. Through the rigors of my transition and the pains of separation from my son and my wife - there were never tears in front of him. Until last year. And I think it really concerned him. The tears made him realize just how much I was struggling and I think it all changed a number of things in significant ways.
In the video I mention that I went to see my doctor. That day was the only time he has ever seen me cry. Through the rigors of my transition and the pains of separation from my son and my wife - there were never tears in front of him. Until last year. And I think it really concerned him. The tears made him realize just how much I was struggling and I think it all changed a number of things in significant ways.
It's a shame that we can't look back on our today's with the eyes and the experience of a year from now. But thankfully we can still look back to see what we've accomplished - usually the hard way - and see how far we've come.
The temperature here today was 111 by mid-afternoon. I had spent the previous 3 hours in the Apple Store doing a training where it was so cold I was actually shivering. My fingers were numb - no lie - and I felt like I was in a meat locker more than in the middle of the desert in the middle of the summer. When I finally got outside the warmth felt SO good - it took me the full 20 minute drive home to thaw out. Sheesh. I'm supposed to go back tomorrow but I'll bring a sweater. And gloves.
I've talked with friends from the Northeast who have been surviving 100+ degree days and suffocating humidity. My heart goes out to you. As I type this it's 6pm and the temperature outside is 107 and the humidity is 13% putting the heat index at 103 - lower than the actual temperature itself. I think I'll go for another swim tonight - I really enjoyed the last one.
I made some minor adjustments to my blog this evening. I wanted it wider on the page to make more use of the edges and tinkered around with some of the various behind-the-scenes code, with my fingers crossed, and I'm happy with the way it's looking. If anyone has any problems let me know - the changes weren't all that significant but you never know what you might break when you tinker.
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