Saturday, July 3, 2010


I met some friends for Happy Hour yesterday. As I was preparing to leave I decided to take a couple of "self-portraits" because I don't have many recent informal photos of myself. I decided to post one of the photos as my wall-photo on Facebook:

I didn't share it because it's a particularly great photo, or any aspect of it is significantly appealing to me. I shared it because it's an accurate depiction of how I'm looking these days. To be honest, it was spurred by my visit to a local support group the other night and the enjoyment I found being around sisters who are at points in their journeys that I passed/endured/survived many years ago. It's really important to me to never forget where I've come from and part of that involves appreciating where you are now.

It is unfortunate that we tend to somehow believe that how we look on the outside is who we are on the inside. That said, however, I'll admit that my body and my spirit have been pretty much at peace with one another for a while now. Our souls are trapped in a physical container so coming to a sense congruity of body and spirit is truly an important and necessary endeavor. I suppose that many people never stop to think of it that way because they've never had to question the fact that the body is so far our of alignment with their psyche.

This photo is how I look, not who I am. If you meet me in person you'll be able to recognize me because the photo is accurate. It's not glamorous. It's not airbrushed or posed or otherwise enhanced. It's simply a spur-of-the-moment snapshot taken at arm's length on my back patio. It is a reminder, however, of how far I've come over the course of these last dozen years or so.

My favorite facial feature, on myself as well as on others, is the eyes. You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their eyes. One particularly dear friend said something about a photo that I shared for Father's Day.

She told me that, looking that that picture from almost 35 years ago, that I still have kind eyes. She couldn't have said anything nicer to me. Although it probably seemed like an insignificant comment it's something I'll remember for a long time. That said - the thing I like most about the photo that I took yesterday isn't anything specific to how I've changed. It's the eyes.

As I think I've mentioned I've got some friends from out of town who are visiting for the next few days. It's nice to have some "down" time with them to relax. I've had a few memorable 4th of July holidays in recent years but tomorrow will be spent enjoying BBQ with a small group of friends and maybe a movie. I may go for a morning hike, as well. No big deal.

I have a sense that my life is about to change. I can't explain it, but it's just a feeling. I don't have anything more specific than that. Sometimes I feel like a poster-child for change so it's simply an ongoing process but this seems bigger. We'll see. Anyway - I hope it's a "good" change.

Happy and Safe 4th of July!


Caroline said...

So nice and natural, as you said the real you and you look so comfortable with it. And those eyes too.

Almost worth chasing you up on fb to keep seeing it.

Caroline xxx

Melissa said...

I'd say, the "eyes" have it!

Melissa XX