Thursday, October 4, 2012

Capital-H Home

The knife cuts both ways.

I seem to have a knack for making the complicated seem simple.  At least, that's what I'm told.

Well, I also have a knack for making the simple complicated.  Like, some of the churn in my world right now.  But the good news is that there's always something to bring me back to center - to clear the noise.  I had one of those moments yesterday.

I really don't feel like going into details yet because, frankly, the details aren't important to anyone but me.  But it's just important to share that there has been a shift.  Decisions are being made.  Things will happen as a result of this.  And will go on.

I typically don't have a problem making decisions.  They may or may not be good decisions but those things don't usually become apparent without the added value of time.  Decisions and I are ok.

The problem with decisions sometimes is that choosing something over other things involves some risk.  It's choosing one pathway and not others.  It's opening one door, and potentially locking others without ever having looked behind them.  Having to make those choices can be difficult to the point of paralysis, although it goes without saying that sometimes if you don't make decisions they get made for you....

Anyways, I was explaining some of the various options in my world right now to my mom and she approached things very mom-like.  She suggested coming up with lists of pro's and con's for each option and comparing them and then the answer might be obvious.  Oh, if it were only so simply.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about trusting your gut.  What about that?  Where does the "gut feeling" go?  Does it trump reason, or practicality?  Sometimes, it does....

And once decisions do get made, there is a tendency to look back over your shoulder while there's still time.  Those decisions are decisions that aren't actually made yet.  A choice has been made, but a decision has not.  Typical human nature is to straddle as many options as possible until the last moment.

None of my decisions are nearly so dire.  13 years ago today the decision to show up at work as Donna was one of those biggies.  These ones...they're microscopic in comparison.  Still, they're affecting my quality of life at the moment so they need to be addressed.

What I will say - though - is that tonight....Oct. 4, 2012...for the first time in a long, long time....I'll be exactly where I want to be because of some decisions I've made.  Including the one yesterday. 

I suppose NOT having Home for a while makes me appreciate this more.  Sorta like my transition.  Regardless....tonight, I will finally have worked my way back to capital-H Home.  And the thought of that is making me capital-H Happy.

Until tomorrow.  When I have to leave again for work.  :)

There are a number of recent news articles I could mention.  Or the debate.  Not even gonna go there today.  I'm too busy managing my own little Little-w world.

No comments: