Things have settled into a bit of a routine, and I'm still not sure I really like the routine because there is significant driving involved but we'll see about that. It sounds strange to say that things have become routine after a week that involved Charleston, Raleigh, Kansas City, back to Raleigh, and back to Charleston again. But I'm not feeling as frazzled by the work/home gap as I was a few weeks ago.
I'm enjoying work. I'm enjoying my space here in Charleston. If the two were in the same area code, or even in the same state - it'd be ideal. But I've come to accept that ideal happens from time to time but it's the exception and not the rule. If all you'll accept is "ideal" then you're going to need to learn to deal with disappointment on a regular basis...
That doesn't mean that it's not ok to settle for something less than ideal sometimes. But there's a difference between "settling" as an overall life trait and recognizing that less than ideal is the valley between moments worth working for.
I'm re-building a comfortable little life for myself here. It's the third time, really, but this time I seem to be doing it with more confidence and gusto than previous journeys down this path. I can't explain it any more clearly than that but as with many things in life (including my life, in general) it's the thing you have to work hardest to achieve and hold on to that somehow gain the most value.
I brought my truck in to the Toyota dealership this morning for routine maintenance and an oil change. It was nice to see my usual service guy - he knows me and there's a significant level of comfort there. I joined a gym today....it was recommended by a friend whose boyfriend works there - we met there so I could check it out and I was very pleasantly surprised. I shot 150 rounds at the gun range and talked with my usual friends there....there's something they do every other Wednesday that I'd like to join (except, of course, that I'm not here on Wednesdays right now). I got information from my tennis store on getting some tennis lessons - I'll make those calls tomorrow - and potentially taking part in a tournament they're having at the end of the month.
This afternoon was very pleasant and I had lunch on the deck of my favorite little downtown pub. I stopped by to see my friends at the MAC store - their Holiday stuff is coming out soon - and cleaned my makeup brushes when I got home. I went to a wine tasting and my favorite little wine shop just down the street. I unpacked another half dozen boxes. Individually these things are all pretty insignificant and mundane, but given everything else going on in my life they all have value. Taken as a group, they're all part of a bigger picture of "nesting" going on right now.... I've had a good day.
The frustrating component in all of this is the reality that, for the moment, I'm only home on weekends. I'll leave on Monday or Tuesday. My life is split right now and I need to bridge that divide. For the moment I'll accept things as they are but I've already started looking for a happy medium. It's a work in progress.
As I type this I've got a glass of Malbec in front of me. I'm cooking some pasta in the kitchen. My windows are open and there's a wonderful, cool, cross-breeze blowing through. Later I'll take a walk down by the ocean, and stop by my favorite little Gelato place for dessert.
I've stopped to consider whether or not I'm "lonely" a few times recently, and am happy to report that most times I'm not. As I mentioned in a previous post I did have a little pang watching the flight attendant in KC get into the car and steal a quick kiss, but I've gotten comfortable with the fact that my life is complicated enough right now. Of course, that's not to say that when the opportunity does come along we don't/won't seize it regardless of anything else, but I'm just sayin'....
Anyone who knows me knows that music is the backdrop of my life. On any given day it'd be an even money bet that I'll be listening to Coldplay, or Keane on Pandora. Lately, I've found a band that I like that doesn't seem to be all that well known. They're Scars on 45, and they've got a number of songs that resonate. Here's one of them:
Haunting. Relevant. Love it...
Cause when you're standing on your own
And you feel you've got nobody around you
You know I'll be the one who helps you
From your knees.
My heart's on fire.....
They've got another song titled "Give Me Something". Love that one, too. And "Promises and Empty Words." Deeper meanings....
I'll end with something totally insignificant. My hair is loving this weather. It's soft soft soft. I've gotten used to the shorter length and I'll be honest in saying that my hair misses the dry desert air of Phoenix. But these 70-degree, coolish fall days are the next best thing. :)
I don't usually ask for anything here. But I'm going to do it now. A friend of mine is apparently a finalist for "Hottest Bartender in Charleston" in one of the local magazines. I realize most of you will never meet her, but she's one of the sweetest, nicest, most down-to-earth people you'd ever want to meet. If you took a moment to go to the page to vote for her - I'd consider it a favor (link here). Thank you in advance. :)
Time for another half glass of Malbec, then a stroll for dessert.