Saturday, December 15, 2012


So - it's Friday and I'm in Raleigh.  That's a bit of a rarity for me as my typical schedule sends me home on Thursday nights so I typically work remotely on Friday.  But not this week.

Part of the reason for the change was a mandatory all-day off site event scheduled for today.  That was cancelled last minute, so it's just another work day.  Actually, it's more than just another work day as one of the projects I was originally hired to manage is implemented today so it's nice to reach that milestone.

I am going through some interesting "moods".

The companyis having their official Holiday Party this evening afternoon and evening.  It's down at our new headquarters building downtown, and I had originally made arrangements to spend an extra night here to attend.  I have also been invited to a holiday event later this evening by my manager at her home.  Realistically, although I just drove up here yesterday I suspect I'll be on the road home by the time the party starts.

Why?  I dunno.  I'm really not feeling all that festive - although that's neither good nor bad.  Going alone to these things is a bit of a drag - and although I already know that for some reason I continue to think things will change at some event or another.  Regardless....I'd rather be home than anywhere so that makes it an easier decision.

I will also admit to feeling particularly "girly" lately.  I don't get accused of being girly all that often but truth be told I go through phases.  I'm in one of those phases.  And - when I say that - I immediately open myself up for charges of being stereotypical but I'm ok with that.

For example, I've probably bought a dozen or more pairs of shoes in the last 2 or 3 months.  Pumps.  Boots.  Wedges.  Darn you, DSW!  The good news is that I'll only buy stuff that is on sale so at least I always feel like I'm saving some money.  But this particular DSW in Raleigh has a wonderful selection of size 10's and 11's so my chances for finding something I like are higher (I'm still not sure if that's good or bad).

Same for make-up.  I've bought quite a bit lately.  More than I either can possibly use.  But I still enjoy learning how to do it....

And dresses.  I'm feeling particularly "dress needy" and my typical source of therapy in that regard is Banana Republic, or Nordstrom's Rack.  Another part of my "mood" is that I'm back into the swing of things about getting to the gym regularly so far so good.  But I need to get this figure a little more under control to fully appreciate the dresses and the shoes.  It all fits together.

So, back to the here and now.  If I had a crystal ball I'd sat I'll be in my truck shortly doing the 300 miles back home and I'll be in my own bed tonight.  I've got a phone conference at 4 to dial into so that'll keep me busy part of the way.  Hopefully whatever they consider as "Holiday Traffic" hasn't started up yet...

Saturday 7:30am
My crystal ball was true.  I skipped the Holiday party and drove home.  I'm glad I did.

I've been watching the reactions to the elementary school shootings in Connecticut yesterday morning.  I can't think of words horrific enough to describe what it must be like for someone to target a school full of young kids and to shoot them, or to be a parent of a child there.

What this person did was the ultimate of cowardice.  He went to a school - a place where no firearms are allowed, and targeted the most vulnerable people he could find.  Kids.  It was a slaughter, and I refuse the let my mind go to what it must have been like as those innocent kids were killed one after another.

I think of other Isreal...where people get on a bus or walk own a busy street unaware that they're about to die in a massive explosion.  But here - we live under an increasingly false sense of security that we can come and go in our daily lives and we, and the people we love, will be safe.

We've seen other senseless situations like this with alarming frequency.  And the conversation always turns to gun control.  I'm not going to wade into that right now, but frankly as far as I'm concerned this is a much deeper problem.  How people like this are walking around, whether it be due to mental illness or rage or whatever.  I have no answers on how to stem the tide of horrific violence.  But I sincerely hope we, as a society, look at the bigger picture rather than particular symptoms of what is happening.

One story on CNN was talking about how these things feed on themselves and I think it's true.  Disaffected, angry, frustrated, mentally unbalanced people who somehow get it in their mind that they're going to spend their last few moments of life slaughtering others.  You can only watch so much of these news's so emotional.  Sadness, anger, psychologist was just talking about how kids are going to be afraid to go to school and how important it is for parents to ensure them that they're safe there.  Before long people are going to get hunkered down in their houses thinking that it'll keep them safe.

One of the things it reinforces in me is to live each day as though it's your last.  It very well could be.  My ex- wrote to me last night about one of the parents from our neighborhood who had a son in my own son's class.  This father has had 3 heart attacks, and she says he's gray and looks like he's 90 years old.  I feel fortunate to be able to go at the pace I do.  It could all end in a minute.

I've got a busy weekend here planned.  Of course, I've got a list of things to do.  It includes some "me" things - a pedicure, some time at the gym, a little bit of shopping (thank God for the person who invented the Gift Card!), maybe a movie.  I'm looking forward to a nice day here....

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