The Haze of Change

I've been in what seems like a drug-induced haze for the past couple of days. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing but it's just odd. A friend called last night and offered to take me out shopping for some groceries. I probably would have just done it by myself but I've come to understand that I bump into things when I'm walking so Lord knows what I'd do behind the wheel of a car.

I've been sleeping an uncommon amount. When I got home yesterday I fell asleep and didn't wake up until almost 7 in the evenint. I had no idea where I was, what time it was, or any other detail of why or how I'm here. It took me ten minutes to get it all together. I know that sounds odd and for some it may be a typical state of life but as far as I'm concerned it's just an indication of how much rest my body is needing right now to heal up. After driving it as hard as I have in terms of the wrestling and coming and going in general it's telling me something and I'm listening. I have no other choice.

I slept all night, too. And, I could easily take a nap as i write this.

I'm also taking time to listen to some of my deeper personal needs as they speak to me. I'm cutting the depth of the ties I've got with people and places I had hoped would become anchors for the future but that recent events have demonstrated are misplaced. I said a couple of days ago that I won't forget who has stepped up in recent days to show any support/concern whatsoever and who did not. Anyone who knows me knows, and I suppose my recent wrestling experience is proof, knows that I mean what I say and I turn words into action.

This is important to me. I'm taking action to cut ties that have proven to be energy drains more than energy providers in my world, where I've given more than I get in return. I don't have the time to waste on pretending of fooling myself anymore on people or on things that I've apparently outgrown (or who have outgrown me). I feel a sense of sadness and loss as these things end but as I wrote in my blog a few days ago endings provide new beginnings.

My jaw still hurts, and is still very swollen. I probably should take a few more "down" days to recover but that's not in the cards. I've got a 6am flight to the east coast tomorrow morning so I'll do my recovering on the road as best I can.

My song for today is appropriate for any number of reasons. It's by Tracy Chapman, and it's titled "Change":

Close your eyes and listen to the words. Very profound and moving stuff.

My own personal sadness of for people who can't or won't change. They'll end up being the worse off for it. I can't save everyone and that's just the way it is.

As for me, Change is a constant. it is a friend. I can, I do, and I will.