The Need. Support - and NOT

There comes a time when those of us who often find ourselves in a position of providing support need some ourselves. This can sometimes be surprising to those of us who get used to doing things by ourselves so admitting we need help is almost like admitting that we can't do it by ourselves - a sort of failure or inadequacy if you will. But to truly come to terms with the fact that we're vulnerable and we're not all-powerful is to come to peace with needing, seeking out, and accepting the help of others. To be honest, I don't know where I'd be without it right now.

It gets back to that energy thing I've tried to articulate in the past in terms of having some to share and being perceived as some rock of Gibralter. At some time or another we each of extra to share but at the same time don't be surprised to find times when we need so borrow some ourselves. The hardest part is to need some and not have anyplace to go to get some. I've been there before, too.

Over my recuperation this week I've been very appreciative of the many emails, phone calls, visits, and general outpouring of support while I've been handling this latest bout of "discomfort". No matter what you want to call it pain is pain, and it takes a physical and emotional toll on us. I'd also be lying if I weren't to say that people I hoped or expected to call have not. This is disappointing.

I've been staying here at the Cocoon House sharing energy with others of us going through similar highs and lows of emotional and physical trauma. One gal was thrilled to get a very nice bouquet of flowers today.



For my own part, some dear friends send me some roses to raise my spirits. it worked.



It's amazing how special little things like that can be. She was absolutely thrilled, and those of us here at the house felt a little of that healing power as well.

Just as there are people in my own life who have impressed me with checking on my progress recently - I've had a couple of friends go out of their way just to stop by for a while - I'd be less than honest if I didn't admit that some of the people in my life have fallen way down my scale of respect when it comes to showing even the least amount of caring. For example, Elizabeth hasn't called, written, texted, or otherwise shown any awareness whatsoever about my ordeal over these past few days. That's just plain wrong. I don't need people calling me every night or sending me emails every day but to let a week pass without a single note or text or call is inexcusable in my book. Rightly or wrongly - that's how it is and that's how I feel. I won't forget.

There are times when it's easy to say you're a friend and there are times when it's easy to take simple steps to demonstrate it. Or not. Some key people have chosen the "or not" route and that's find but that also has consequences when something as simple as a text would have been appreciated.

There are times when I feel I care too much, or do too much. I suppose I get frustrated when that level of caring is not returned. What I will say, though, is that these are "mistakes" I won't re-make so if you're someone I specifically expected to hear from over this past week but did not know that your oversight has not gone unnoticed.

It feels odd to put things in those terms as none of us do what we do with expectations of getting something in return. However, when we need simple signs of support that are not forthcoming it'd be lying to say it doesn't matter because it does. There are times we find out who our true friends are and sometimes they come from the most surprising places. In that same way, we can be sadly reminded that what happens is often balanced by what doesn't happen. These last few days have been full of both.

I'll take steps to rectify the situation in my own unique way over the next few days, but that's where things are standing at the moment.

The good news in my own situation is that I went to the hospital and had the last bit of tape removed so I'm good to go home. Half of my chin feels fine and the other is still numb which kind of makes me look punch-drunk but I've learned that some of this just takes time to come back. The inside of my mouth, on the other hand, is far from fine. It hurts like hell - but I've got some good drugs left and hope they last long enough for things to heal. Still, this has all sapped my strength and I feel tired lots of the time - 80% of my energy is way low for me. I feel a need to nap at least once if not twice a day.

My flight back to AZ leaves tomorrow morning and arrives back in Phoenix tomorrow afternoon. I get a day of down time before the next adventure kicks in. I'll be off to Norwalk CT on Friday.